Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Grace's Farewell

A very close, dear, personal friend sent the flowers and vase next to Grace's ashes in the box and her paw print in front of the box. The flowers arrived the day after the ashes came home. I have shown you the flowers today in the second shot after they have grown for a week, and the flowers the day they came. The lady, and I do mean lady, who sent them had lost a dog a few years back and couldn't face having another dog because of the wrenching heart break that comes from losing one.

It doesn't take long, when you look into their eyes, and they look back to see they have feelings too. You can see love, you can see fear. They are totally dependent on you. It doesn't take long, and the longer you are together, the stronger the bond.

We thought we had beat the toxo, it had been over a month. Judy put in fifteen times the effort I did. Grace was well for almost two weeks before she relapsed, and then it was the vet hospital. And they couldn't figure it out. House is a tv show, not real life. I have to fight the feeling of failure when you lose a 16 month old cat. After all, exceptionally bright graduate students are supposed to be able to solve almost any problem there is. I have to give up this Superman Syndrome crap.

The other tiny problem has been that I'd normally take my anger out to the quarry and beat the crap out of a couple of boulders with a sledge hammer. As I have gotten older, the hammer has dropped in weight from the traditional 30 pounds to a more manageable 8 pounds, much to the relief of the boulders. It's one of the saner things I do to deal with grief. Since the sacral-lumbar puncture failed, I wasn't able to go out breaking rocks, it has taken me a bit longer to finish grieving. I generally play the last two for myself. Thanks for stopping by. Happy New Year.

Handel - Messiah - Hallelujah - Ambrosian singers

John Denver Sweet Surrender

Amazing Grace - Judy Collins and the choir

Norman Greenbaum - Spirit in the Sky (High Quality)

Good bye, baby.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ending the Blue Funk

I was supposed to pick up Grace's ashes yesterday, but decided that crying was a much better course of action. I'll go and get her remains after I post this. I had a lumbar sacral facet injection, which means the surgeon shot my back full of hydrocortizone, tarragon, sesame oil, a little rosemary, and a little kickapoo joy juice from the hills of Kentucky (I think my friend Allan might have a still). The procedure didn't work very well. Next step, MRI! And then .....

In closing, I tried to help out a friend who works with my wife, Judy. Our friend had bought a condo a year and a half ago for $290,000 (Hello Heather). The appraiser just left and the property is now worth $218,000, she cannot refinance, her equity has vanished, and she has two mortgages over 6.5%. I was just doing financial planning at that point. I work in a lovely, shrinking industry, full of happiness and cheer!

Have a fabulous day! I'm working on ending the Blue Funk.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

In Loving Memory Of Grace

Grace died at noon today of toxoplasmosis. She actually was put out of her misery at the vet's after a huge battle. We got her eye cleared, but she could no longer eat, nor stand, and she had crystals in her urine, which was painful. Gracie was 16 months old.

I made sure she was looking out the window at the squirrels and birds and the trees as she painlessly received a sedative. Judy held her for a second sedative, and she purred through both of them. When she was asleep, we carried her into the operating room, and held her while she got her last injection. If she was willing to live with us and be dependent on us, I will not desert them in their time for need, for any reason. They are dependent on us, it's part of the bargain.

I will openly admit that I have been crying for a while now, and that I'll be crying for a while more, because we will be in mourning. I'll be back after that. I am sorry I haven't been around, that will change too. You all have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.