Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Ignorance and Stupidity Are Rampant, And We Have An Election Next Week

I actually have most of the next installment written of Re-Dating, but since this morning, the ignorance hasn't stopped. You'd think there was a conspiracy. This antique woman this morning tried to persuade me to vote for the incumbent Republican Governor because of his stand on gay marriage.

You might think that with what I have written that I might have had a discussion with her. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Maryland doesn't have a position in homosexual marriage. neither party. We have been too busy passing legislation dictating what percentage of their revenue must be spent by Walmart on health care. We have monkeyed with the pricing of electricity in the City of Baltimore to the point where Florida Power and Light called off it merger with Constellation Energy. And this was last summer.

We have not graduated to witch hunts in the general population yet. We're a little behind the times. No, this lady had to have been guilty of watching TV and had simply gotten confused. Perhaps she had been watching what is going on in Tennessee. There is a lady named Fancy Dirt who wrote a piece that explained the craziness there with the political campaign and if you click on her link you will go to the piece. It is more insightfull than anything I have seen from any political analyst yet.

Now if you just want to see mud slinging, go no farther than Virginia. Pick your side, neither one will be remembered as having its finest moment. But, riding to the rescue is the Crankster who makes the argument that the Republican Party should have more loyalty to the gays who are loyal Republicans. I'm going a tiny step farther.

What we are talking about is scapegoating. When you need a group to blame for the ills of society, you create a scapegoat. Reality has nothing to do with it. You can make the wildest arguments, and people will believe you because everyone wants someone else to be on the bottom, and they don't want it to be them. Hitler picked the Jews as his explanation for the demise of Germany after World War 1.

As you peruse society, as a conservative particularly, you might feel that society was eroding and that family values were eroding with it. I'd say that sex was everywhere, but you know that sex is everywhere that human beings exist, don't you? Pornography, well, one man's pornography is another man's art, the Supreme Court says that porn is a local issue. Like in Great Britain, where the issue of pole dancing at home has become a national issue, as represented in Rachael From North London's Blog. Rachael teaches pole dancing, is a writer, and, well, you can see for yourself. She gives references to the opposition in the very beginning of the piece. I guess the Brits are hard up for scapegoats. But we aren't.

We can't can't attack divorce as a source of undermining the family, so why not attack the gay community. If anyone is to blame for not spending more time with our kids, it is us. if we can't find ways to keep our families together, either through therapy, religious counseling, commitment, whatever, then who do we have to blame for it? Not a group of uninvolved people. It's easier to point at someone else than it is to take responsibility. It's also stooooopid. Now, i have to go read what could be some really good porn over at Crankster's and I am behind on my blogging. I am sooooo behind, but it's MY fault. Not the guys up the block.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Re-Dating Is Not Like Re-Gifting

When you have been married since two days before recorded history began, some things just don't enter into your consciousness. I was blogging yesterday, and I saw a woman who was pissed off at her husband, not exactly an uncommon theme, and a variety of interesting topics, until one in particular caught my eye. Tiffany King had sent me to a woman named Mimi Lenox who coincidentally had a site called Dating Profile of the Day. We're talking about ads that men had written to try to attract women.

An amazing amount of computation on the fly took place. Huge. I installed more memory and continued computing. I was hung up on one issue. Why would I ever do this? I have a perfectly good, usable, viable, serviceable, working model wife. She has more teeth *and* hair than I do. Using this heuristic, I calculated the subjective probability that my rule that I predecease her was the most probable outcome of all possible scenarios, namely that she predecease me, or the push that we jointly decease which is still a win for me. See what I mean. And it's always the really fast option in my calculations. Benefits of doing the experimental design! Still, the outcome of me surviving my wife had a non-zero probability. So, I needed to plan.

I immediately called a family meeting. This is a family matter, after all. My wife and the cat appeared at the appointed hour. I had green tea, crackers, and warm brie cheese embedded with almond slices for my wife, and warmed tarragon turkey slices shredded for the cat. We eat well, I have a rule. I asked my wife of 991 years "if something happened to you and I had to find another wife, how would I do it?" at which point she and the cat started laughing hysterically. This was not working well. My wife said, "you wouldn't have any problem." I asked, "But how am I supposed to find all of these women?" Picking up the crackers and cheese, and her tea, my wife left and as she did she said, "that will be your problem!" And the cat followed her right out of the room.

And that's how the craziness started in trying to figure out where and how you advertise for a woman after you've been married for 900 years. Stay tuned.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Tiffany King, You The Man

For your efforts this weekend, through trials and tribulations, and atheoretical stuff, you win You The Man Award this week. Congratulations. Your classical selection is John Denver with the Boston Pops:

And, the only way to get Aaron Copeland's "Ode to the Common Man" is with this video of the Iraqi Election. A reminder that American mid-term elections will be here in a week and a half.

You all do good this week, and hopefully you too can win the You The Man Award next week!

For The Dancing Therapist Who Wants World Peace

We're still crashing a lot today, and we still have tech support coming tomorrow. In the meantime, since Tiffany is in class today (those dedicated Physical Therapists learn new material on the weekends when they should be watching football, or riding horses, whatever floats your boat), I thought we'd listen to some of her favorite music. She loves John Denver, among others.

John Denver's "Country Roads"

This is a rare recording of John Denver live. For those of you who haven't read Tiffany yet, she lives to travel the country. She writes her blog to keep in touch with her family. The rest of us sort of participate from the outside. Let there be no doubt how close Tiffany and her family are. This could be her singing to her mother.

Of course, this is how you won this week's You The Man Award

This is a duet that Denver did with Alexander Gradskey for a 1986 TV show. The Soviet Union would come apart approximately three years later.

You Tube has disabled embedding on this one. They have also stopped rating quite a few of the videos they have including this one. My wife and I made it our business to start camping in Canada after this song came out. We found Banff National Park, like the rest of the world, west of Calgary. Mentally, I have a mandatory requirement to go back for my mental health. We live in societies that are becoming so vastly overcrowded that we have lost any incentive to treat each other in a civil manner as a default. We don't talk to each other, we deal with each other. Most of our communication is electronic, void of tone and emotion and meaning. Maybe we should change that first. Or maybe we should make everyone take care of an animal so we can learn a little about love first. No, we'd need inspectors to insure the animal's safety. I get this way when I look at the history of human beings and peace, but once more, into the fray!


Saturday, October 28, 2006

Racing a Crash

Peace On Earth


Check this out by clicking on the underlined words above. I have also listed the URL. I don't know this lady or what prompted this.

Credit Wandering Girl, she of the perfect buns!

We're crashing and have been all day since 10:00 PM last night. ISP will have tech support by Monday afternoon

And now that I got that little out, that will explain why I have dissappeared. Wandering Girl is Tiffany on the Blogroll on the right, and I am posting the above here, so we can get a discussion started, and also so you can have a reference for the above should you wish to participate. OK, now to make that link active, wait one please.

And while we're down here Crankster is a writer from some of the most beautifull country in Virginia, the Southwestern area where Virginia Tech is located. He wrote a piece today about someone that he grew up with making a remarkable shift. You need to read it to believe it. I spent a good hour reading his stuff. If you expect me to write that well, it ain't happenin' MonkeyLover, try reading this guy. And ML, too bad, he's married too. All the good ones, you know.

Friday, October 27, 2006

A Review of Some Basic Rules

I have called you all together to go over this material one last time as the result of a confluence of completely different events that conspired to happen within a very short time span.

First, I was told that I had not developed a strong enough voice here for people to know who I was. The Board felt that was why there were only three people coming by.

Next, a Federal Judge ruled in a case that New Jersey either had to allow for gay marriage or provide a similar contract for homosexuals. This ruling evidently provoked certain people into a crazed, insane response where they decided that telling everyone they knew about the evils of homosexuality was simply the smartest thing they could do, down to separate toilets for homosexuals. I am not kidding.

Wisconsin has an amendment to the state charter forbidding homosexual marriage. Cindy has taken umbrage with this, much better than me I must say. The woman is more than just another pretty face!

I follow this principle. Everyone is equal. We may deveop differently, but, that doesn't make someone better. Smarter, maybe; better, doubtfull. I have a gay couple living up the street from me. We have been close friends for close to 15 years. We just celibrated their 30th anniversary with them and about 50 of their closest friends. One of the guys is the Compliance Officer of Otsuka Pharmaceuticals, a multi-billion dollar Japanese firm, and he also sits on their Board of Directors. He is also a Republican. He was born, raised, and educated in South Carolina. Not an easy road. His partner retired from manufacturing men's underwear when his stomach perforated ten years ago. You couldn't ask for better friends or better neighbors.

I am going a bit farther. I have never been able to tell the difference in women by race, or nationality or any other factor, by kissing them. They all taste the same. I have never had to add seasoning. I have never worried about who anyone else was sleeping with. Since puberty, I have worried endlessly about who was sleeping with me. And I have tricks with marischino cheries and pineapple chunks that I am saving for when we expand our sexual horizons.

To summarize. Everyone is equal. All women taste good. People can pick whatever kind of sex they like, as long as everyone playing likes it. Not all people that are stupid and idiots are Republicans. What anyone does do is nobody else's business unless it's you and you have film you'd like to share and explain to those of us a little slow on the uptake. I'm always up for learning something new. I hope this covers everything. I am NOT the best writer, Mist or MonkeyLover probably are. But I have no problem standing up for equality, for men, women, homosexuals (that's men and/or women). Have a nice day.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Invasion of America

I have called this meeting to tell you that I have figurered out how the United States will be invaded. All that need be done is to wait for a day when it rains just before rush hour in Washington, DC. We have pretty accurate forecasts letting us know when it will rain, so this plan should be pretty easy to execute.

Check your contingent of troops into the Hay-Adams Hotel across the street from the White House. Hope the rain starts by 6:00 am. If it is Monday, by 6:30 am, traffic will be hopelesssly snarled. If it is Tuesday Wednesday or Thursday, it will take until 6:45 am. If it is Friday, things are unpredictable. If it's Springtime, and a Friday, things are totally out of control to begin with. Let's just say that an imaginative 5', 22 year old woman with a mascara brush and two pair of nylons can turn a 22 year old veteran Marine Corp (or other service branch) sergeant into wimpering jelly in short order in the Springtime. Other seasons, it might require throwing in a feather, not that I have any knowledge of this kind of thing, mind you. It'd take several more minutes to do me in.

If your troops storm the White House Gates before 7:00 am and it is raining, there's noi chance that the first shift could have arrived yet. So, there will only be the late night skeleton force there. The trick is taking over the White House, and getting the President to surrender while no one can get anywhere bcause no one in Washington can drive in the rain. If it snows, you can forget it, You just stay in the hotel until things clear up and wait for the rain to come. When it snows in DC, everything shuts down, and you couldn't storm the gates. Sorry, we close down when it snows, this is the Nation's Capitol. We may try to drive home, but we just park the car wherever we are and go to the nearest hotel and stay until the thaw comes. Hopefully they have a well stocked bar and restaurant.

I'm glad we had this little talk. Have a nice day.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I Have A Few Assignments, Because There Are Things I Don't Understand

I called this meeting bcause there are some things I don't understand. You all are MUCH smarter than me. So, i figured that you all have the answers. So, what are they?

1. Why is there depression?
2. How come people don't pick up on visual or verbal cues (read CEO for people here but I'm not alone).
3. How come more people who want to have sex aren't having sex? They are both men and women?
4. How come so many people who are having sex are having lousy sex?
5. Why does ALL of my spam want to sell me Viagra AND Valium?
6. When are we going to realize that Common Sense is another oxymoron (more on this one day!)?
7. There is enough food produced on this planet for eveyone to eat. Why is anyone starving?

This is a partial list. Here's what happened. I went to a marketing event downtown last night. I was won a box of very nice candy. Several of us were sitting in the bar talking afterwards, and there a young girl sitting on a bench next to me. We were at tables. A guy came in and we asked if we could use one of the chairs at the table she and her 'companion' were at. There were two empties. There seemed to be a language problem. I smailed and asked the young lady how old she was with a huge smile, and she said "16" in a thick German accent. I smiled and said "Ich nicht sprechen zie Deutch" and her eyes lit up. A little broken German, very broken German, and we had a chair. I gave her mother the box of candy. I tried to tell her that she didn't do anything wrong, to no avail. Her mother understood, and smiled. I decided that going home was smart. I had gotten rid of the candy.

Why give it to a German girl and her mother sitting a block from the Nation's Capitol? Yesterday, the Japanese Mental Health Community announced an new 'disease' they have found in Japanese travelers returning home from France. A depression they are calling Paris Syndrome from the miserable treatment the travelers have received from the people of Paris as opposed to the dream of a romantic Paris holiday.

So, I just whipped out a quick 7 items because they were easy. Ranting is OK, but Freud said something like it's OK to bitch and reduce the tension, but afterwards, you still have to solve the problem. So, now that I got that off my chest, and I tried to make sure that two German ladies had a nice experience in Washington, DC, I am going to do some blogging and see you all! And to start, and get my sttitude adjusted, I think the Palace of Pleasure, the Midway of Mirth, Vaudville Revisited, Bruce Willis' Secret Squeeze The Mist1, my source for comic relief from reality!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Some Thoughts On Success

It's the Fall, and the concept of Success has come to the fore again as it usually does this time of the year. I have been hearing it in e mail, and in the blogs I read. Why now more so than other times of the year. I think it's because once you get into the working world and leave the school year behind, the Fall is when you start thinking about goals for the new year.

Here's some of the things I believe about what it takes to succeed. First, How are you going to know what success is if you haven't set goals? We can argue about what success is or isn't until hell freezes over and we will never determine what it is because it is different for everyone.

Making a list of things you'd like to do in you life is a worthy idea. It isn't a list of goals for you to achieve unless you are breaking them down into something you can do with your immediate time and effort. We need some 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10 year goals. What I am positive of is that if you don't write them down, and review them once a quarter, they are wishes, not goals. You are either serious about this, or you aren't. Guess who gets to make the choice? If you haven't a clue, ask yourself where you want to be in ten years, then ask yourself how you're going to get there.

The trick is to make goals that are attainable. They should be relevant to you and what you want to achieve. Try to make your goals as specific as possible. Measurable goals, not fuzzy, and achieved within a time frame. I might do something like: I will write a romance novel by December 31, 2007 under the nom de plume Ann Charter. I plan to see if one my blogging buddies can be my agent and/or publish it for me. Also, maybe another one can illustrate it for me. Maybe I should have someone who's a better writer write it for me? I mean, I'm just an entrepreneur.

Want to go to France and drink wine and chat with someone meaningfully in a little outdoor cafe in Paris, make it a goal, provide the money, and the meaningful person and make the trip. Want to play golf? Use goal setting to help develop a swing, and your game.

You define success. You review. You follow up. You are responsible. Don't know what to do for a goal,ask Desiree who ran into that problem. She asked her friends. That's why you have friends too.

Monday, October 23, 2006

A Cooking Issue

For those of you who attended yesterday's award cerimony, you saw a perfect example of a dominant theme of this blog, namely the issue of quality. There are small, but noticeable differences in quality between the two different presentations that were made. There are worse ways to spend a few minutes.

Cindy made this butternut squash soup for her super smashing successful dinner party the other night, and felt that it was sort of bland. It is dietetic for sure. Note no salt. The issue, how do you spice it up and give it more flavor without adding a ton of calories. That means you can't add bacon, which would obviously work. Adding some salt will help. I am hoping I can temp my blog sister Alison into the fray. she's a much better cook than I am. I'm sure that many of you are too. My knee jerk reaction was to throw in 30 minced gloves of garlic. What would you do?

Butternut Bowl o' Soup
(from Eat Up, Slim Down)

Prep time: 15 minutes [ha!]
Bake time: 60 minutes
Cook time: 5 minutes

1 butternut squash (about 2 lbs), halved & seeded
1 vidalia onion, quartered [honestly, I used a regular yellow]
1 sweet potato, peeled & quartered
Dash hot sauce
1/2 tsp curry
1/4 tsp nutmeg
2 cups reduced sodium chicken broth
ground black pepper
1/2 cup fat free half-and-half

Preheat the oven to 300. Coat a 13x9 baking dish with nonstick cooking spray. Place the squash cut side down on the baking dish, and arrange the onion and potato sections around it. Bake for 60 minutes, or until the vegetables are tender. When the squash is cool enough to handle, remove the skin.

In a food processor, blend together the squash, onion, potato, hot sauce, curry and nutmeg. Add the chicken broth as needed to thin the mixture.

Transfer the squash mixture to a large saucepot over medium heat, and stir in the remaining chicken broth. Cook for 5 minutes or until warm. Season to taste with pepper. Stir in the half-and-half just before serving.
Makes 6 servings

Per serving: 116 calories, 4 g protein, 26g carb, 1 g fat, 0 mg cholesterol, 54 mg sodium, 4 g fiber

Diet exchanges: 0 milk, 2.5 veg, 0 fruit, 1/2 bread, 0 meat, 0 fat

Sunday, October 22, 2006

You The Man Award, This Week

Clearly Rebecca and Cindy walked away with the You The Man Award this week. Accordingly, after much research, I rejected all of the pretenders and got this jewel:

You're going to ask, "Why two versions of the same music from the Berlin Philharmonic?" Different conductors. Levin is conducting the second version. I am unable to find out who conducted the first.

Another, You The Man

This just in from Wisconsin, Cindy, soon to be a world reknown photographer after her training at The Milwaukee Technical Institute, held her first-ever dinner party last night. Turns out it was a smashing success! Six hours of cooking, alone, for a picky group of eaters, who brought children (wisely, Cindy had Mac and cheese for the kids, she's more than just another pretty face). I didn't make my first dinner party for 10 people plus their kids. Nor the second. The following was the menu:

Soup: Butternut Squash Soup
Main: Chicken with Red Potatoes & Asparagus
Sides:Savory Bread Pudding (involves broccoli)
Sauteed zucchini, squash & onions
Penne in creamy garlic sauce
Dessert:Bumbleberry Delight (Angel food cake with a warm berry sauce)

Turned out that it was a smashing success. Cindy has some leftovers. You can read about how to get some at her site. In the meantime, Cindy, you also The Man.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Rebecca's The MAN

SECRET GIRLFRIEND IS BACK FROM GETTING MARRIED in the Bahamas and has posted her first tell-all including all the hot and steamy alcohol, drugs and rock and roll parts (no small people nor animals were harmed in this production). The sex parts are awaiting the special processing requirements of high speed photography in a low light environment. Oh the technical chalenges. And, never forget the tungsten balancing issues. Tasty wedding photography is so difficult.

I still say that Rebecca deserves a lot of credit and praise. If you are, or have ever gone through a wedding, ask yourself this question. If you spent two weeks on an island with your family and in-laws, and you happened to be getting married and having a honeymoon during that time, how many of these people would you kill? Forget the wedding and honeymoon, how many would you kill just being stranded on an island for two weeks with them? Rebecca, you the MAN!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

A Little Traveling Music, Please

Just a few little administrative things to take care of before we get down to business this morning. It may be a bit premature, but SECRET GIRLFRIEND IS BACK FROM GETTING MARRIED in the Bahamas. This announcement may be a trifle premature as she doesn't have a post up yet. On the other hand, rumor has it that no one killed anyone else in the wedding party during the entire two week event. I think this bodes well for the happy couple.

Now, if you happen to be wearing a pair of vibrating panties with the hidden battery pack and remote control as described by Mist1 in a recent post, you will probably want to disengage from the battery pack pretty soon or at least be well insulated. Alison found this amazing resource and you just have to try it. I don't want to bias you for your own test of this resource, but I am using several responses when I discuss expanding our sexual horizons. I also asked the computer if we might marry. We're dating now.

June Bug lives in Utah and writes things like this post. I find her writing extremely appealing. When she wrote that people typically didn't like her when they first meet her, I knew I really liked her a lot. I love the Internet. And, if anyone sees Phoenix Hearse, this lady June Bug in Utah, which I hear is just north of Arizona, has three (3) Great Danes.

Which brings me to the point of this post. My singing. Ever since I was in grade school, it was obvious to anyone who heard me that I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. I can, and will sing with great enthusiasm, but nothing that resembles musicality. I am best in large choirs, like the one that gathers every year in Times Square in New York City on New Year's Eve to sing in unison. I will tend to blend well with them, particularly the Jack Daniel's section. I can't find my rendition of Auld Lang Syne on YouTube for your viewing pleasure from the Year 2000 when I was home with the wife singing along, because I had the flu. Now there was real entertainment! Plus, there is no better known cure for the flu than swilling Jack Daniels, or single malt scotch, while holding a cup of tea, which is where the medicinal value comes from. Naturally. But, I digress.

Now, normal people would get down in the mouth about this, and get depressed. I started seranading women. They would scream, "shut up!" and I'd say, "Only if you kiss me!" and I'd start singing again. Now, If you can keep your hands free to block and ward off slaps and punches as your voice rises to hit that ever elusive high L note, you have it made.

This technique can also work wonders on the wife. "Gee Honey, I'd like a new car", she surprised me with the other day. "You have a brand new company car from the place where you work" I pointed out, and then I launched into one of the solos from the Marriage of Figaro. She surrendered before the third Figaro. I hadn't even warmed up yet.

But the ultimate was when my old neighbor lived across the street from me. He had this beautifull chocolate Lab. There were times my neighbor couldn't get home in time to take the dog out for his constitutional. He;d call me, and I'd go over and get Duke, and we'd go out for a walk. As soon as we'd clear 'our' block, we'd sing together. Good old Duke appreciate Beethoven, and I'd sing "Ode to Joy" to him in German. He'd howl at the moon, or the sun, or the stars, any heavenly body would do. Pretty soon, every dog on the block was howling. The neighbors would come out with $20 bills to ask me not to sing. I'd wave, and we'd go down the block and go on to the next stanza, and repeat the process, until Duke was very satisfied, and I was pretty sure he wouldn't make a mess. We'd trot home, amid the cheers and applause. Duke passed away, and the neighbors have moved away. But, I still love music, and dogs and cats, naturally.


CMHL actually sent me this one in e mail to let me know it's her fav. She is the music authority. She knows more than anyone I know about music.

I threw this in for me. I got hurt really bad back in '93, and my friend Marvin, well that's a long, long story.

I just love this song. Always have.

I believe this is the CMHL fav Springsteen song.

A bonus, just because

And, the piece d'resistance

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Feeling Groovy!

It's a rainy, cold, miserable sort of day, and I am singing and happy and just, well giggling. That happens to me when I listen to Paul Simon. He did this song back in the Dark Ages that introduced the Renaissance called "the 59th Street Bridge Song" and it always leaves me, there's really no better way to say it, feeling groovy.

So I went to tai chi this morning. After I hear 'the song'. You may remember the famous line from "A League of Their Own" that goes like this"...there is no crying in baseball." Well, tai chi is a meditative exercise. There is no giggling in tai chi. There is no hugging the instructor either, but I can't help myself. she should have talked to me severely, but she was giggling too. I have absolutely no idea why. Not a clue. I would like to grow up to be just like her. But, I am not a vegetarian, and i don't think I can grown that much hair, ever.

I'd also like to thank Google for their chat function. It really does help with the getting-to-know-you issues quite a bit. Helps keep my cholesterol level down and my blood pressure and heart rate are perfect! So, if you want to feel a little better, here's a guy doing a nice guitar piece of the 59th Street Bridge Song. Or, we can go play in the rain! Good chance for mud out there!

Monday, October 16, 2006

A Global Reach

The amount of planning required to produce a post when you realize that your blog now has a global reach to all of 12 people becomes mind boggling. Next thing you know, someone from England and/or australia will show up and we'll have to go to a 24/7 operation. That means working like Desiree, who is still probably sick, and also at a company planning function with the Chairman and Board of Directors of her company. Too bad they are insensitive to the fact that she's so sick. Personally, I'd rather go to the dentist. Also, she lives closer to North Korea than I do. Now there's a reason to crack open another beer. Like I needed a reason. I keep trying to leave a comment on MonkeyLover's site, but it keeps blowing up. Don't you just love the high tech way I get the message out there!

I was told I couldn't write about anything serious without posting a picture of a busty woman first, but i can't find a picture of one, so, I'm winging it. There's a couple of things that kept coming up this weekend that I made a mental note about blogging about subject to fast breaking news, naturally. The first is my kotex belt. Ever since I had to use one, I can't seem to get rid of it. The other has been my grandfather. His death had a huge effect on me. My grandfather, and my wife's grandmother both grew up in a village called Minsk, which is now in Polland. They were both in Red Square in Moscow in 1905 for what turned into the largest pogrom in Russian history. That means that the people were there for a political rally, and the tsar allowed the Cossacks to ride their horses through the crowds and start executing the Jewish population there (they dressed differently in those days). Fifty thousand died that day. My grandfather ended up in New York City, my wife's grandmother ended up in Canada.

Can you imagine being killed for something you believed? People who are Jewish, Christian, and Muslim are all praying to the same God. It is written that way in the Koran too. The name for God is different. Can someone please stop the killing? Can someone please stop the hate? No explanations. Just an end. Thank you very much.

My grandfather gets to New York and he finds people that speak Russian. He learns the language. finds work. Marrys, has children, succeeds, works as a bookkeeper for the City of New York, learns seven languages in his spare time, retires, takes up religion and dies. I had talked to him my entire life. He told me stories, I listened. He was my grandfather after all. When I went to his funeral, people stood up and started saying these really nice things about him in Russian. I asked my grandmother, and she had never seen them before. They had seen his name in the newspaper when he died. They were still afraid of the Cossacks, spoke briefly, and left. My grandfather had died and never told anyone his name from the old country.

The same was true for my wife's grandmother. I actually taped her for 4 days before we got married. You can hear her crying about the Cossacks. You can hear her refuse to tell me who she was. You can hear her dodge telling me if she even knew who my grandfather was, particularly after she knew that he was dead. You can also hear how conspiratorial she got with me when i told her i was going to ask her grand daughter to marry me. Four days of me telling her that I would never let a Cossack get near her, and she wouldn't tell me. She died without ever telling any of her nine children what her russian name was. That's fear.

So, I decided to change the World. You do that one person at a time. I try to find something nice to say to people before they die. Makes me scary, I know.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Just So You Know Important Things

On this day in 1066. William the Conqueror vanquished the last Saxon King Harold 2nd, and establish Norman rule over England. It was even before The Morning Meeting was conceived of, much less the first cup of Starbucks coffee poured to discuss how to have a danish at a meeting in the morning, if you get what I mean? I was already married.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Snow? I Just Woke Up, How Can It Be Snowing?

Clearly, nothing is clear at 5:30 am. Even the cat doesn't bother getting up. So when the guy on the TV says that there is 1 1/2 feet of snow, naturally I check my nuclear powered watch. It's October 13. Someone is pulling a practical joke on me. The coffee is brewing. I peek out the window, and there is green, beautiful green. A little cold, but still GREEN. Where is it snowing? Buffalo, New York. The storm may be heading for Cindy's house, it's too early to tell, but that's OK, she's ready for it. She's from Wisconsin, and she knows how to drive in the snow! Give that girl a couple of cameras and nothing stops her. More after the meeting!

Here's an idea from CMHL that hits the spot. How to turn maple leaves into roses. You need to see it to believe it. A really neat idea!

I have been in a funk lately. I generate ideas from all over the place, but most of the time they come from talking with my friends. Since I tend to be very shy and withdrawn, the internet was meant for me. I could sit and send e mails to people like Alison and plan meals, or projects, get into deep philosophical discussions with CMHL, or the nuances of photography with Cindy, even while some deranged alter-ego was writing erotic fantasies on their blogs. Lately, no one was available in the evening to chat, or power e mail. That left people in real life. Except for The Wife, you can see what I deal with. Well, somewhere I lost my sense of humor. I don't know which blog I left it at, but, I can't find it anywhere.

Then this morning, I got up and none of the things I generally eat were available. My fault. So I had a breakfast of beer and ice cream sandwiches. Good thing Alison told me that it was OK to do that at 7:00 am or I'd have starved to death. I stopped by to see spoon because she has become a part of my daily requirement to put things into their proper perspective. She didn't have any idea that I had a sense of humor to begin with. She just thinks I'm a Johnny Foreigner, which explains everything. Made sense to me. I stopped off at Desiree's, and she was so sick that you know she had no idea I had lost my sense of humor. I left her to regain her strength and health. I left EchoMouse alone because she's having grief with her Dad, so i just go there to read her blog and see what's up. Then I sort of tip toe away and I try not to bug her too much. Been there, didn't need too much aggravation.

There are others. Phoenix Hearse is heavy with new puppy. TheThinker is a sixteen year old girl. I have never posted on her site, she has no idea i even exist, and it will stay that way. Yet she is compelling to read. She wrote a piece earlier this month about how she figured out how she was going to go trick or treating. She laid out a map, complete with candy drops that looked like what is known as the Traveling Saleman Problem in Operations Research. When she mentioned the candy drop off to increase the sympathy donations because she had so little candy, I started wondering if she was a Republican political operative and not really a 16 year old girl. Her discussions with Apple are priceless. I adore this person. I think she's really 45. Much more mature than me. I am also waiting for Monkeylover to start publishing again.

I saved the piece d'resistance for the return loop home. A swing through the South. I glided into The Mist1's Place of Hobbies and Flossing Satires. I'm talking The Palace. Carnegie Hall. The Laugh-O-Rama. Apparently, The Mist1 and Bruce Willis left for the weekend to go to London for a weekend of darts and beer. She may not have my sense of humor, but she has my red snakeskin boots and red haired wig. Of course, Bruce is almost my twin. He may have grabbed my humor.

You all have a great weekend. See you soon!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

What Modern Women Want

The Wife, who I married in the year 1015, decided that she wanted to go back to work a couple of years ago. She went through extensive clearance process that included me being interviewed, then intensive training, a short apprenticeship, and was thrown into the fray to sink or swim. She then proceeded to get three promotions in the next year and a half. I had invited her boss to dinner on several occasions, and she had said that we would get together soon several times. That was two years ago. A week ago, her boss decided to make it happen. Tonight, my wife and I had dinner with a 28 year old female team leader.

We met at a local steak house and were seated. When the waiter got our drink orders, I passed up getting beer, as the Team Leader (hereinafter and forevermore known as TL) ordered a Sprite, and I picked up on that subtlety like a change in a traffic light. I demurely (remember, I am a trophy husband) ordered my usual Diet coke Atlanta September '06, preferably from the Peachtree District. I sniffed the screw cap and noted no excess acidic aroma, and tasted the sample poured by the waiter. It was a delicious red. I nodded and he filled my fluted glass, putting the remainder in the high hat next to me, filled with ice, to keep the drink cold. Too warm and the entire drink can go flat. I can't have that.

Picking up my drink I asked, "I haven't seen you for a while, what have you been doing TL?" She explained that she had been home for vacation, and that she had been to her high school reunion while she was there. I nodded to show that I was being attentive. She went on about how pleased she was to see that her emergency backup husband was there and still single. TL now had my undivided attention. The conversation went something like this.

Me: What is an emergency backup husband?
TL: This guy and I from high school have an agreement that if we aren't married by the time we're 36, we'll get married for the convenience. Besides, we travel well together.

Me: What about things like love, sexual compatibility, companionship? (I looked at my wife and smiled deeply committed)
TL: I see you don't understand the modern woman.
Me: It wouldn't be my first time, please, explain the modern woman to me.
TL: What the modern woman is looking for in a man is for him to fill in her benefits package. I need a guy with better eye glass coverage and better dental than we have. Otherwise, why bother?

My mind reeled under a confluence of things, and i choked trying hard not to say wtf. TL noticed.

TL: what are you trying to say?
Me: mumbling
TL: It's OK to cuss, I grew up on a farm.
Me: No shit.

Imagine, empowered to curse by a 28 year old. I was on a roll!

And then my wife communicated with me in no uncertain terms in a way that husbands and wives have understood for centuries. Her foot instantly found it's way over to my foot and ever so gently, yet insistently left the following somewhat endearing message. Shut the fuck up. Instantly, I complied , yet kept the conversation going, much to everyone's delight

Me: Tell me about what your folks raise on this farm?

Note to self: Buy some Healh Care Exchange Traded Fund, and dangle in front of wife to get lucky.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Once Again, Into The Fray

At 2:45 pm today in New York City, an airplane was doing stunts and flew into the 20th floor of an apartment building at 524 72nd Street on the East Side of NYC. A fire started in three apartments, and something very predictable happened. Seemingly normal men and women donned the super hero uniforms and ran into the burning building to save people's lives.

A few minutes later, the adjacent buildings were evacuated. Meanwhile, investors were selling off the stocks on the stock exchange, they had been there before. After about 25 minues, announcement came out saying that there was no evidence that the 'heliocopter' accident was terrorist related. Ten minutes later, the firemen had the fire under control. The FAA announced that the accident had involved a fixed wing airplane, meaning, not a heliocopter. It was now around 3:15 pm and the market was about where it was when the accident happened.

Please note, the firepeople, firemen, the real heros, did not stop and put in a sell order hoping to buy back at a lower price. they did not wait to see if there were terrorist involved. They didn't seem to care of the object was a fixed wing, rotary dial, four on the floor, rag top.....wait for it, they simply RAN INTO the burning building to SAVE LIVES.

I can't imagine what tops that. Time to bake a cake and take it to the fire house. I never thank them enough.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Bottom Line

Keith Olbermann of MSNBC reported on the passing Buck O'Neil and paid much attention to the fact that a special election had been held at the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York on a one-time basis to elect a certain number of outstanding players from the old Negro Baseball Leagues to the Baseball Hall of Fame. The simple answer is they all belonged in the Hall of Fame. Period. I rewrote the obituary to reflect the real insight and humanity of Buck O'Neil.

Buck O'Neil (1911 - 2006) died last Friday night. He was one of the greatest baseball players from the old Negro Leagues who would have been a star in the professional leagues. More than that, a week before he had been walking down the street with several friends. They walked past a woman in a red dress and continued up the block to a restaurant and went in. They noticed that Buck wasn't with them. Going back outside, they found him talking to the young woman in the red dress. When asked, Buck O'Neil responded that he had learned to never pass up the opportunity to talk to a woman in a red dress.

I want to live in the society where I can do that, please.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Breast Cancer Sucks, So Do The Other Cancers

I am putting Monday's post up early, because I can't wait any longer. I cannot write about cancer as well as CM HL did last March when she was writing about it. So, I asked her permission to send you to this post on her blog. I have just tested the link, and it works perfectly. Go read it, I can wait a long time.

Cancer is one of those topics that eliminates the differences between men and women. There is nothing sexy about cancer, only extreme ugliness. I will not bore you with a partial list of people that I have loved who have died horrible deaths from cancer, including one of my beloved cats.

Here's what I want. Get a friend, and both of you take a friend. The four of you go get tested. Then tell five more friends, and get them to go. Then, you send CM HL an e mail. This wish goes to you outside of the United states too spoon, EchoMouse, and anyone else. You guys are definitely included if you needed to ask. Just ask CM HL!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Next Friday's Bonus Ahead of Schedule

I have a friend who needs to cut back on fats in the diet. Now who doesn't like pizza? Pizza is health food! Cheese and the best marinara sauce you can make! But, have you though about substituting basil pesto for that marinara sauce? First you can cut out the sugar altogether! Diabetics rejoice!

So, here's a classic basil pesto recipe that I use, because I have a wife who is allergic to tomatoes (you thought I was kidding about being a trophy husband?).

Basil Pesto

Description: This classic, fresh-tasting sauce originated in Italy is a favorite to use with vegtables and soups, especially ministrone, and with seafood.

I have also served it on crackers, toast, on eggs, and pasta, very successfully.

2 cups firmly packed fresh basil leaves, washed and dried
2 sprigs parseley
2 cloves garlic cut up
3 tablespoons pine nuts or chopped walnuts
¼ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
¼ teaspoon salt
freshly ground pepper to taste
3 to 4 tablespoons olive oil

In a food processor or blender, place all ingredients except oil. Process until minced. With motor running, slowly pour oil through the tube and blend. Scrape down the sides of bowl with a spatula. Transfer to a bowl, cover, and refridgerate until ready to use, or freeze for several months. Bring to room temperature before using.

Makes about ½ cup

I have substituted spinach for the basil, not used the parseley, used pistachio nuts, added both strawberries and mangos, though not together, and made fabulous pestos. This is an extremely flexible receipe! There's more.

Blue Cheese Dressing

My friend and I share an adiction. Blue cheese. Most of the time, you get it on a salad, although I often put it on almost any red meat, potatoes (baked, shaved and sprinkled over fries, etc), pizza, toast, licked off my finger, eat it on a cracker. I am serious about blue cheese. I'll bet I have tries 10 - 12 varieties of blue cheese. I tend to favor Maytag of the easier to get blue cheeses, but I used to order one from a Vermont dairy that was $18 a pound that I thought of as crack. That's when you sneak downstairs at 4:00 am and the cat is handfighting you for some of the cheese, and suddenly the wife shows up and says, "next time order two pounds, after that, never again." And she was right. We needed the sleep.

This is the lowest fat receipie for blue cheese dressing I can find. My friend may not like it. As always, the better the blue cheese you use, the better the dressing, the more the fat. Mileage may vary. It comes from Canyon Ranch Cookbook, so it's as dietetic as you can make blue cheese. Skipping to the chase:


2/3 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup canola oil mayonnaide
1/2 cup nonfat sour cream
1 1/2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 1/4 teaspoons dry mustard
1 1/4 teaspoons garlic powder
1 1/4 teaspoons onion powder
1 1/2 teaspoons white vinegar
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon white wine
1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese

30 minutes to prepare

1. In a medium bowl, combine all ingredients except for cheese and mix well. Add cheese and gently stir to combine. Pour into a jar.
2. Cover tightly and refrigerate up to 1 week.

Makes 16 servings
Each 2 tablespoon serving contains approximately:
65 calories/ 3 gm. carbohydrate
5 grams fat/ 10 mg. cholesterol
2 grams protein/ 206 mg. sodium/ 0 mg. fiber

Again, this is straight out of the "Canyon Ranch Cooks" cookbook and it's really for a friend who is desperate to cut out fat. The only thing I'd add is to reserve some of the buttermilk and the vinegar, and add to taste with the cheese. You want a bite from the vinegar, but not so sharp that the bitterness overwhelmes the delicious cheesy flavor. Alison, who is a much better cook than me, and my fav for plotting all-day meals with, probably has something to add. She does cook with a tiara, you know.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Just So You Know

Things got out of hand at the 8:00 am meeting and went downhill from there. At 8:00 am, the question was asked, who wanted to go outside, in the rain, and play Rugby. We were to put a number from 1 to 10 on an 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper. Ten meant let's go. One meant "have you lost your mind, it's raining out there". Then we crumpled it up, and threw it to someone else in the room. Big deal, two thirds of the room was missing. Then, we tossed them again.

There was a new guy in the room. Big guy. He stood about 6'3" and weighed maybe 270 pounds. Young guy. Defensive end if he could run. The guy in front said laughingly, "if we're playing, he's on my side" pointing at the new guy. Then we opened up our crumpled up sheets, and read the numbers. I had a sheet with a 10 on it. It belonged to Big Boy. Everyone else had written a 1 or a 2 until they got to Big Boy. He looked at his and he said, "who else wrote a 10?" I got up and said, "Me, you ready to go outside and give blood?" and started heading for the door. Big Boy didn't want to hear that, and said, "I was really thinking a 9" so I sat down. I got a note from the military guys that we ought to go out for a beer next week.

After that, the rest of the day went into the toilet. I should have been home by 1:00 pm, git here at 7:30 pm. Therefore, I am cancelling Friday. I'll get back to you. I really got to try something different.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


It has come to my attention that certain parties think that I am not who I represent myself to be, but really someone like Mathew McConaughey. Nothing could be farther from the truth! It is totally unfair to Mr. McConaughey to even suggest such a thing, particularly for the reasons advanced. Just because I am given to periodic flights of craziness or the occasional lesbian fantasy does not mean that I have a life, much less that I am a well-known person who is tall, dark and handsome with women falling all over him, and tons of money. I tried that fantasy today and it failed miserably. You think I'm kidding don't you.

Yesterday I left physical therapy and headed to the elevator. I have a therapist in a high rise building. I had been working out for almost two hours, and was emitting phermones at a high rate. I got on the elevator going down, and one floor down, two female lawyers got on, deeply engrossed in a legal brief. Something triggered something, because the discussion turned from writs of mandamus to Johnny Depp in a flash. One of them joked that she would keep Johnny and make him happy to never leave. The other was describing why he would want to move in when we got to the floor I parked on and had to leave. I didn't want to leave, trust me, I wanted to be Johnny Depp.

I pulled out of the garage, and smiled at the young girl who collects the money when you leave the building. She's gorgeous and is studying to be a nurse. I always cheer her on, and give her the pep talk and a smile, particular at exam time. Secretly, I wish she was a slut with an unquenchable need for bald guys with a bad back. A little fantasy life never hurt anyone. I had my seat belt on for the flight home. The phasers were primed, and we had a full bay of photon torpedoes. I was prepared to venture out onto Interstate 270, where we teach Naval pilots the basics of aerial combat. And as I flew, I was becoming Johnny Depp, Pirate/Buchaneer. Yo ho ho.

I shot the gap at my exit, and slid through the exit ramp and came to a halt at the light 1.2 miles from my house. And then, it dawned on me. With a completely cavalier attitude at 3:00 PM yesterday afternoon, in light to non-existant traffic, I cast off my seat belt, in violation of The Law. I laughed madly at my new found profligate behavior. Come and get me coppers, you'll never take me alive! Johnny Depp was now playing Jimmy Cagney, but he was doing it so well! I waited at the light with my turn signal on, announcing how criminal I was.

I made the turn, laughing madly, knowing that the lawyer in the building would soon have me, and then, a flashing light came on in the rear view mirror. In less than a picosecond (1000 picoseconds in a nanosecond so we're talking tiny) I am a model citizen. Car is pulled over, hands are prominently displayed on the wheel, I am smiling, and the window is coming down. The officer who walks over is local from the town I live in, someone who knows me and my wife. She is about 24, a red head, she should have been a model. She ignores her looks. No one else is capable of doing that within 100 yards of her.

The discussion goes like this:
Officer: Hi, Mr. CEO
Me: Hi Officer, Please just call me O.
Officer: How's your wife, I haven't seen either of you since the City's Christmas Party. Are you both OK?
Me: Well, Judy is fine, and I just have the usual problems that most trophy husbands have. Is something wrong?
Officer: Well, I know how smart you are, (and she opens the door), and I see you aren't wearing your seat belt, and I remember the problem you had with yor arm, and really, if you can't attach your seat belt, I'll be glad to do it for you. (And she grabs the belt and leans into the car over me and tucks the seat belt into place, almost lying down on me in the process. To balance herself, she put her hand on my seat between my legs. She kept talking, my brain went onto a red alert [brain to penis: freeze; penis to brain: rotflmao , you now have a pole suitable for vaulting] returning to parenthetical expression (what you can't see in this steamy image is the 38 caliber Baretta with 15 rounds on her hip and the night stick, if she isn't 'taking' me, I'm smiling and trying to leave with a smile on my face. I'm not that fond of other people with guns on top of me. Must be a control problem. I'll worry about that one when I get some blood pressure back. Johnny Depp and Jimmy Cagney are history.) And if you ever have any problems again, you make sure you come see me, it's not safe to drive around without your seat belt on.
Me: Thank you so much, Officer, I'll remember that in the future. If i don't see you at the next City Council meeting, I'll see you at the Christmas Party.

Me and the Buchaneer could have walked home faster than I drove. And when I got there, my wife said, "you look exhausted, why don't you take a nap?" After I woke up, she thought it was so funny that I wrote it up. So, I am not Johnny Depp, nor Tom Cruise, nor anyone else. I have put up a disclaimer. Lesbian fantasys are so much easier, and I am never going to worry about them driving home.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Just So You Remember That I Try

This should keep you going until I can get a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT out later. Scott Adams put this one out last weekend, and I can't wait to see the ads change after the conservative ads have been wearing me out. I relate to the financial ones better. Also, do you like having the clock there? It's local time (Washington DC)? Or is the big one too much? Or the flashing colon? Results confirm tests you know.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Seek and Ye Shall Find

After returning from Physical Therapy for the lanced boil on my butt (say booyah here) I was pleased to receive a radiogram, sent via cable from the Nordic Explorer which had set into dry dock in Murmansk for repairs. It was from Dr. Science (say booyah here) saying that he had a protegee passing through, and could I possibly introduce her around before she returned home to Canada.

So, since I know you expect these things of me, I did the required due diligence background check. Took maybe 14 seconds, because You Tube was slow. I'd like to use this particular post to introduce you all to that Great Existential Philosopher EchoMouse (say booyah here) and her campaign to change the world for the better through the creative implementation of hugging. Hugging naturally combats that feeling of isolation and aloneness that all human beings face in their search for meaning, And EchoMouse has indeed shown us all a prescription for the ills of society we discussed Saturday (say booyah here). Sounds funny? Ain't really kidding. Except Dr. Science didn't send the cable. The rest is true.

The Phoenix Hearse put up a pictorial 100th post that is really quite exceptional in documenting her life in Phoenix with her Great Dane and her husband.

Have a great day, we'll see you soon!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Quality and Responsibility

For people who are Jewish, last night a holiday named Yom Kippur started at sundown. The purpose of this holiday is to confess all of your sins to G-d for the past year and pray for forgiveness. The very first prayer that starts the service that began last night, is called Kol Niedre. It is the prayer where you ask God for forgiveness for those promise made to G-d that you did not keep. I don't want to mis-lead you here, but there is a level of respect that is due.

Should you choose to take it seriously, this is the beginning of 24 hours of soul searching, fasting, extraordinary personal ass-kicking, goal-setting, and commitment.

See you later, it's never bad to do this.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Things To See And Think About and Enjoy

I wrote a lot about talking to each other. This is actually an ad from Liberty Mutual that I saw on another blog. Could you imagine folks looking out for each other insteak of flying combat missions against each other in our cars on the Beltway? I know it's hard to imagine, particularly if you haven't had any coffee yet. Take a deep breath and go get a cup, or whatever you use to jump start your heart when you get up. We'll wait for you.

Some quality on a Sunday, I am thrilled to present to you for your listening pleasure one of the great rock n roll songs of all time with the original singer, Dobie Grey, "Drift Away"

I had had two other pale, miserable imitations which I have deleted, zefluffekkated, gone, they can't hurt you anymore. It's an antique video, but the music.....

Electric Light Orchestra with my personal theme song "Evil Woman" (this is where I put on the high heel boots, drives 'em nuts)

I am always in trouble for this one. The editting on this one is terrible, horrible. The London and Paris Philharmonic Orchestras are recording in Berlin with me and a couple of opera singers. I'm the blonde on the left that's really belting it out. Please try to remember a few things while you're savoring your drink, the Japanese determined how much a CD could initially hold by requiring that the entire 9th Symphony fit onto a CD. The other fact of note, when you are feeling really down, is that Beethoven, who wrote this and many other 'pieces of music' that are still very current and influential, with it's exceptionally complex rythms and interplay of musical themes and instruments, had been stone deaf for quite a while before he wrote this particular symphony, considered by quite a few as the greatest technical masterpiece ever written. The closest I can get to that is to wake up breathing every morning. That may just be an act of defiance on my part. Enjoy the music if you can, and have a brilliant day, and a better week!