Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I Have A Few Assignments, Because There Are Things I Don't Understand

I called this meeting bcause there are some things I don't understand. You all are MUCH smarter than me. So, i figured that you all have the answers. So, what are they?

1. Why is there depression?
2. How come people don't pick up on visual or verbal cues (read CEO for people here but I'm not alone).
3. How come more people who want to have sex aren't having sex? They are both men and women?
4. How come so many people who are having sex are having lousy sex?
5. Why does ALL of my spam want to sell me Viagra AND Valium?
6. When are we going to realize that Common Sense is another oxymoron (more on this one day!)?
7. There is enough food produced on this planet for eveyone to eat. Why is anyone starving?

This is a partial list. Here's what happened. I went to a marketing event downtown last night. I was won a box of very nice candy. Several of us were sitting in the bar talking afterwards, and there a young girl sitting on a bench next to me. We were at tables. A guy came in and we asked if we could use one of the chairs at the table she and her 'companion' were at. There were two empties. There seemed to be a language problem. I smailed and asked the young lady how old she was with a huge smile, and she said "16" in a thick German accent. I smiled and said "Ich nicht sprechen zie Deutch" and her eyes lit up. A little broken German, very broken German, and we had a chair. I gave her mother the box of candy. I tried to tell her that she didn't do anything wrong, to no avail. Her mother understood, and smiled. I decided that going home was smart. I had gotten rid of the candy.

Why give it to a German girl and her mother sitting a block from the Nation's Capitol? Yesterday, the Japanese Mental Health Community announced an new 'disease' they have found in Japanese travelers returning home from France. A depression they are calling Paris Syndrome from the miserable treatment the travelers have received from the people of Paris as opposed to the dream of a romantic Paris holiday.

So, I just whipped out a quick 7 items because they were easy. Ranting is OK, but Freud said something like it's OK to bitch and reduce the tension, but afterwards, you still have to solve the problem. So, now that I got that off my chest, and I tried to make sure that two German ladies had a nice experience in Washington, DC, I am going to do some blogging and see you all! And to start, and get my sttitude adjusted, I think the Palace of Pleasure, the Midway of Mirth, Vaudville Revisited, Bruce Willis' Secret Squeeze The Mist1, my source for comic relief from reality!


rebecca said...

#6. Commin Sense? is an oxymoron. and it's rather hard to spell, too ("common") ;)

as for your other questions, i'm stuck on answers. let me check out Mist1 and see if i can get any hints.

rebecca (not russian or hot) said...

on a side note, do you know that there's an ad for "" on your blog? weird, huh?

The CEO said...

Thank you Rebecca, I have changed the spelling. I have no control over the ads that are put up. That is done based on the content. I don't remember mentioning anything Russian.

cmhl said...

good for you for politely getting rid of the candy!

mist1 said...

I have the answers to these questions. You may not want to read the responses all at one time. Your head could explode. You have been warned.

1. When I stand up after sitting for a period of time, there is a depression in the chair. It is caused by body weight.

2. Cues are for pussies. We've got to learn to be direct. It is better to ignore visual and verbal cues. That will teach people.

3. Everone is having sex all around you all the time. You just have to jump in there and do it. I suggest wearing something short and tight to make your intentions known.

4. Sadly, many of the things that lead us to have sex (read: alcohol), in excess lead to bad sex. Also, we should all get a tutor so we know what we're doing.

5. Viagra and Valium is like the perfect gift set for a couple. It doesn't matter who takes what, it's bound to be interesting.

6. You have misspelled this one. It is Common Cents. Like pennies, nickels, etc. Uncommon Cents are those $1 coins that I got as change when I bought postage stamps from a machine.

7. Some of us are better than other people and have a G*d given right to eat. It's just the way He designed it. If you don't like it, go to Africa and bring a few babies back.