Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Invasion of America

I have called this meeting to tell you that I have figurered out how the United States will be invaded. All that need be done is to wait for a day when it rains just before rush hour in Washington, DC. We have pretty accurate forecasts letting us know when it will rain, so this plan should be pretty easy to execute.

Check your contingent of troops into the Hay-Adams Hotel across the street from the White House. Hope the rain starts by 6:00 am. If it is Monday, by 6:30 am, traffic will be hopelesssly snarled. If it is Tuesday Wednesday or Thursday, it will take until 6:45 am. If it is Friday, things are unpredictable. If it's Springtime, and a Friday, things are totally out of control to begin with. Let's just say that an imaginative 5', 22 year old woman with a mascara brush and two pair of nylons can turn a 22 year old veteran Marine Corp (or other service branch) sergeant into wimpering jelly in short order in the Springtime. Other seasons, it might require throwing in a feather, not that I have any knowledge of this kind of thing, mind you. It'd take several more minutes to do me in.

If your troops storm the White House Gates before 7:00 am and it is raining, there's noi chance that the first shift could have arrived yet. So, there will only be the late night skeleton force there. The trick is taking over the White House, and getting the President to surrender while no one can get anywhere bcause no one in Washington can drive in the rain. If it snows, you can forget it, You just stay in the hotel until things clear up and wait for the rain to come. When it snows in DC, everything shuts down, and you couldn't storm the gates. Sorry, we close down when it snows, this is the Nation's Capitol. We may try to drive home, but we just park the car wherever we are and go to the nearest hotel and stay until the thaw comes. Hopefully they have a well stocked bar and restaurant.

I'm glad we had this little talk. Have a nice day.


rebecca said...

hi, lovey.

i had lunch today with a coworker who i just love. 2 nights ago both her 17 and 20 yr old sons had a sit down discussion in their home with a rep from the Marines. they both want to join up. i asked her how this made her feel. she doesn't want them to go into infantry, so she's hoping they test well and can do what they want (airborne, i think) and she's sure that it's not what either of the kids are expecting...and that they're both in for a rude awakening.

also, i love hotels. which one can we hole up in for a while? and, i'm 5'7".

mist1 said...

I lived in DC during the Mother of all Snowstorms. Nobody laughed at the snowshoes that I brought with me from Minnesota then, did they?

Also, I love peanut butter (creamy or crunchy) and whimpering jelly sandwiches.

MonkeyLover said...

Hmm, perhaps we need to send those in the Capital to Oregon for a year, on an exhange program. Not only would they see mullets galore, The DCers would learn how to drive in the rain- or starve :)

WanderingGirl said...

the FBI is soooooo watching you!!!

The CEO said...

Sweetie, the Hay-Adams and the Willard are the big two around the White House. The Marine Corp. Barracks are on 6th Street. For your poor tired 5'7" frame we have the Hilton near my house! I happen to have feathers and a mascara brush!

Mist, you bring tears to my eyes.

ML, I can drive in both rain and snow. I have training!

WG, ummmm, er, I was in FBI headquarters last Friday. I know this database design manager there.