When you have been married since two days before recorded history began, some things just don't enter into your consciousness. I was blogging yesterday, and I saw a woman who was pissed off at her husband, not exactly an uncommon theme, and a variety of interesting topics, until one in particular caught my eye. Tiffany King had sent me to a woman named Mimi Lenox who coincidentally had a site called Dating Profile of the Day. We're talking about ads that men had written to try to attract women.
An amazing amount of computation on the fly took place. Huge. I installed more memory and continued computing. I was hung up on one issue. Why would I ever do this? I have a perfectly good, usable, viable, serviceable, working model wife. She has more teeth *and* hair than I do. Using this heuristic, I calculated the subjective probability that my rule that I predecease her was the most probable outcome of all possible scenarios, namely that she predecease me, or the push that we jointly decease which is still a win for me. See what I mean. And it's always the really fast option in my calculations. Benefits of doing the experimental design! Still, the outcome of me surviving my wife had a non-zero probability. So, I needed to plan.
I immediately called a family meeting. This is a family matter, after all. My wife and the cat appeared at the appointed hour. I had green tea, crackers, and warm brie cheese embedded with almond slices for my wife, and warmed tarragon turkey slices shredded for the cat. We eat well, I have a rule. I asked my wife of 991 years "if something happened to you and I had to find another wife, how would I do it?" at which point she and the cat started laughing hysterically. This was not working well. My wife said, "you wouldn't have any problem." I asked, "But how am I supposed to find all of these women?" Picking up the crackers and cheese, and her tea, my wife left and as she did she said, "that will be your problem!" And the cat followed her right out of the room.
And that's how the craziness started in trying to figure out where and how you advertise for a woman after you've been married for 900 years. Stay tuned.