Stumping The Legal System

While everyone else was enjoying the Inauguration, I was in Court as a witness in a contempt trial between a divorced husband and wife. This is the third time I am testifying, but not the last. I generally end up wasting two days waiting to testify around 45 minutes.

Strangely enough, the actual testifying is much easier than the waiting. You see, I can't go into the courtroom until I'm called, and outside the courtroom is boring. The area has no magazines, no TV, but being up-to-date, there are two (2) pay phones at each end of the hallway. So you sit there waiting, doing nothing, until you're called to testify. Turns out, I was the last witness.

I was called to the stand, and the Judge greeted me as I made my way to the witness chair. I said, "Hi Judge" and smiled. This was our second time together and I really liked him. The attorney who called me to the stand asked me about 15 minutes of questions, some to the objection of the other lawyer. Then, the other lawyer took over and started her cross-examination.

First, she waived reading my background information. Then she asked me information about how the office ran. When I started talking about the economy, she objected as I hadn't been qualified as an expert. The judge over ruled her as she had waived reading my background. Then it got fun for me. There was an issue of a $22,000 note. Given assets of approximately $2,750,000 the first question was how much income could that generate. My immediate answer was $27,500 and then I pointed out that the broker wouldn't get that because the broker/dealer would have charges first and the broker would be lucky to get half. It's really a small margin business. Then I was asked how many more assets would be needed to pay off the note itself given the overhead, and I immediately responded another $2.2 million under the same assumptions if no salaries are paid.

The cross-examining lawyer and the judge couldn't believe I could do math that fast. I told the Judge that moving the decimal to the left was the same as multiply by .01 and moving it to the right by two decimals was the same as dividing by .01. While the lawyer was calculating, I leaned over, covered the microphone, and whispered to the Judge that I was no good at the Law, and that everyone had to be good at something, and he laughed. All things being equal, I tried to open an account with both the Judge and the cross-examining lawyer while testifying. The lawyer pointed out it would be a conflict of interest if they accepted. I pointed out how difficult the environment actually is for wealth managers today.

We need law in our society, it's important. It is not streamlined. I am not educated enough in the law to know if it works well or not. Legal reasoning is not logic. The law is rooted in English Common Law, which started as the Magna Charta, a contract between the King and his nobles as to what was allowed and not allowed by the King. This happened in 1215. As England grew, the King couldn't preside over the King's Court all over England, and Judges took his place, hence Judges are viewed as G-d as the King was.

I'd bet that a serf in 1215 understood the law a lot better than we do today. The original Magna Charta (there were something like 15 originals made and signed in Latin) along with the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution reside in the National Archives just a block off the Mall. Have a great weekend, I have a crazed kitten waiting to play!

The DC You Never Hear About

We live in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. That was before the Secret Service started having their way in Washington, DC. When I used to commute downtown regularly, I had several contracts where the best way to and from the place where I was working was right by the White House. Not the Pennsylvania Avenue side, the other side on E Street.

What was unpredictable was when the President left to fly somewhere on Air Force One, or went to Camp David, he took a helicopter known as Marine One. The Secret Service considered it a matter of National Security to stop traffic on E Street in both directions until Marine One took off. You could easily wait 15-20 minutes, longer if someone needed to take a leak (the non-urological term). I still don't understand why they thought I could get off a better shot from a moving car than sitting under the helicopter waiting, but then I don't understand the Secret Service.

Then it happened. An embassy was bombed by a truck ramming it's way by the Marine guard station. Many concrete pylons have been poured and both Pennsylvania Avenue and E Street on either side of the White House were 'temporarily' closed to traffic. That was over a decade ago, and neither street has ever been re-opened.

Which brings us to modern day DC and the up-coming Inauguration. The Secret Service has really outdone itself this time. All roads into DC from the Beltway in are closed off to traffic. Below is the actual Virginia Department of Transportation Order:

2009 Presidential Inaugural Law Enforcement and
Public Safety Public Affairs Subcommittee Announces
Joint Transportation Plan

Virginia Vehicular Restrictions
All vehicular road restrictions will be coordinated between the Virginia
State Police, the
Virginia Department of Transportation and local jurisdictions. On January
20, 2009,
personal vehicles will not be permitted into Washington, D.C., from
Virginia.
􀂃 I-395 north will be closed to general traffic. As a result, northbound
I-95 traffic
will be diverted onto I-495 North (Inner Loop) or I-495/I-95 East (Outer
Loop) at
the Springfield interchange.
􀂃 Eastbound I-66 lanes east of the Capital Beltway/I-495 will be closed to
general
traffic. Eastbound traffic on I-66 will also be diverted onto I-495
􀂃 Only authorized vehicles – emergency vehicles, buses, taxis and for-hire
limos -
will be permitted on I-395 North and I-66 East within the Beltway.
􀂃 Memorial Bridge will be open to pedestrian traffic only. No motor
vehicles will
be permitted to cross the bridges.
􀂃 Key Bridge is restricted to mass transit only
- 6 -
􀂃 Chain Bridge is restricted to authorized vehicles and mass transit only,
no charter
buses.
􀂃 The Woodrow Wilson and the American Legion bridges will have no traffic
restrictions.
􀂃 North Washington Street at Montgomery Street (City of Alexandria City)
to
Reagan National Airport will be closed.

Not to mock anyone here, but why not just not let anyone attend the Innaugural?

In the event of an emergency (unspecified) the evacuation plan is that everyone will walk across the bridges to Virginia. And what about people who are emergency workers? How are they getting to work? G-d forbid someone goes into labor and needs to go to the hospital, or worse. We call these tiny implementation details.

I could go on, but then I'd have to tell you that the DC politicians want Obama to make his first Executive Order putting the DC license plate withe the slogan 'No Taxation Without Representation' back on the Presidential limosine. Bill Clinton had it on for his last month in office, and W had it removed. I'm kind of hoping for removing the restrictions on stem cell research that were imposed, not that I have an opinion, naturally. Whatever it is, let it be worthy.

You can learn more about DC by reading M@'s post today at why.i.hate.dc or learn to be a better person with Mel or do both!!! Have a great day, and if things are going bad, if you screw up, at least you don't work for the Secret Service.

Briefly

Since we last spoke, Judy tore her rotator cuff in her right shoulder. MRI reveals about a three inch tear. Afterwards, she trips over a box outside the house falling on the sling first on the concrete. I see her going down head first and am yelling thinking she has a concussion or fractured skull since she doesn't picked up her head or make a sound. I am about to call the ambulance when she asks me to help her up, and she screams in pain. It's not a concussion.

We go back to the surgeon the next day. She has made the tear worse, and now has a hematoma (time to call ace physical therapist Tiffany for insights) on her leg, and souped-up Vicoden (she hates pain killers, but takes these, strangely enough because of extreme pain. When 6 pound Jakenstein walks on her leg to sit in her lap, she involuntarily screams, so she is taking the pain killers...for the cat). Gimpy has surgery Feb. 19.

Finally, I have found out that urology means that a big dude sticks the chromed tailpipe from a '32 Studebaker up your ass and takes a look around, and uses 80 psi of air to move things around if they get in the way. Getting older is a pain in the ass. Stay at age 40, refuse to grow up. I miss you all. See you soon. No pictures for this one either. More soon!

Happy New Year!

It's 2009, hip hip hooray!

I had immediate dreams of winning a $384 bazillion lottery. With that much money, you build a compound, with a fantastic kitchen, I mean fantabulous, tons of counter space, walk in freezer, did I mention the personal chef that got hired? Then, I'd bring in Tiffany. I can afford to have the best in Physical Therapy, and she brings PB, an expert in Exercise Therapy with her. His son is still in Farmville (can you say Fahm vule). No problem, the G5 is parked 15 minutes away at the Gaithersburg FBO (that's fixed based operation or general operation airport). Also good for the quick trip to Toronto to see Echomouse on critical issues, like Teddy and the other cats, and the LBs, naturally. Very important.

Did I mention the heated swimming pool and custom gym in the lower area of one of the wings of the house?

Of course, even if I built two separate rooms as closet and shoe space for my wife, she would still need three quarters of my closet, wherever that closet was, for her clothes. I have empirical evidence, so please, I already know this. It's OK. In the new compound, I will have my own dressing room, with a retina lock on it.

Did I mention the exotic female vet who would live with us and the Persian girlfriend who would keep Jake company? Someone has to worry about a gourmet cat who thinks he should be fed pate everyday. He may have been fixed, but Jake has the non-stop energy to run day and night as it is, this is the time for a girlfriend, not when he's old and just wants to watch the birds playing football. I still run around with my girlfriend.

I'd also like a Lambourghini, and a 4 wheel drive Porsche Carrera. 

And I need a room with a 10 foot ceiling for a pole dancer, with a music system for the room. And a large room for tai chi and kung fu. And a green house, a fairly large one.

And several guest bedrooms, suites really. They could be more like a connecting house. What if Allan and Ali came with the kids? Each kid would need their own bedroom, and Allan and Ali deserve some privacy. And the master bedroom should have an immersion jacuzzi for 2 with a built-in whirl pool for relaxation. And each of the kid's rooms would need a separate bathroom, naturally. And you would need multiple internet connections in the guest house, because Allan takes so many pictures, you'd hate to have him run out of space. And the connecting tunnel to the main compund would be easy. It was 14 degrees out yesterday, and Allan is over 35. I'd hate to let something like bitter cold weather keep him from coming over for a nightcap. And worse, I can't wait to cook with Ali, she's way better than me, and I have this fabulous kitchen.......forget the professional chef for the time being. We're talking duck in it's own fat here.

The Meditating, Cogitating, Thinking Planning Room is where you go when, for example, Mel comes over and you want to sit with a couple of cups of coffee and reconcile existential philosophy with zen. Or decided if it's better to make snow angels in a six foot snow storm or a snow man. Or what the best thing to have with roasted chestnuts really might be. You know, the really critical things where you want to take your time and get things right.

The art work? By Franki, naturally. She's also my first choice to go get sushi with. I should try to see her again soon.

Then there's the scuba diving, and the compound in Costa Rica, funding the critical research in topics such as the best way to reheat french fries, but that the second multi-bazillion win, and I have yet to buy the first lottery ticket.

I guess I should resolve to just try to be a better person, and resolve to be here next year to write another New Years Day post. Have a great year everyone.

Grace's Farewell

A very close, dear, personal friend sent the flowers and vase next to Grace's ashes in the box and her paw print in front of the box. The flowers arrived the day after the ashes came home. I have shown you the flowers today in the second shot after they have grown for a week, and the flowers the day they came. The lady, and I do mean lady, who sent them had lost a dog a few years back and couldn't face having another dog because of the wrenching heart break that comes from losing one.

It doesn't take long, when you look into their eyes, and they look back to see they have feelings too. You can see love, you can see fear. They are totally dependent on you. It doesn't take long, and the longer you are together, the stronger the bond.

We thought we had beat the toxo, it had been over a month. Judy put in fifteen times the effort I did. Grace was well for almost two weeks before she relapsed, and then it was the vet hospital. And they couldn't figure it out. House is a tv show, not real life. I have to fight the feeling of failure when you lose a 16 month old cat. After all, exceptionally bright graduate students are supposed to be able to solve almost any problem there is. I have to give up this Superman Syndrome crap.

The other tiny problem has been that I'd normally take my anger out to the quarry and beat the crap out of a couple of boulders with a sledge hammer. As I have gotten older, the hammer has dropped in weight from the traditional 30 pounds to a more manageable 8 pounds, much to the relief of the boulders. It's one of the saner things I do to deal with grief. Since the sacral-lumbar puncture failed, I wasn't able to go out breaking rocks, it has taken me a bit longer to finish grieving. I generally play the last two for myself. Thanks for stopping by. Happy New Year.

Handel - Messiah - Hallelujah - Ambrosian singers

John Denver Sweet Surrender

Amazing Grace - Judy Collins and the choir

Norman Greenbaum - Spirit in the Sky (High Quality)

Good bye, baby.

Ending the Blue Funk

I was supposed to pick up Grace's ashes yesterday, but decided that crying was a much better course of action. I'll go and get her remains after I post this. I had a lumbar sacral facet injection, which means the surgeon shot my back full of hydrocortizone, tarragon, sesame oil, a little rosemary, and a little kickapoo joy juice from the hills of Kentucky (I think my friend Allan might have a still). The procedure didn't work very well. Next step, MRI! And then .....

In closing, I tried to help out a friend who works with my wife, Judy. Our friend had bought a condo a year and a half ago for $290,000 (Hello Heather). The appraiser just left and the property is now worth $218,000, she cannot refinance, her equity has vanished, and she has two mortgages over 6.5%. I was just doing financial planning at that point. I work in a lovely, shrinking industry, full of happiness and cheer!

Have a fabulous day! I'm working on ending the Blue Funk.

In Loving Memory Of Grace

Grace died at noon today of toxoplasmosis. She actually was put out of her misery at the vet's after a huge battle. We got her eye cleared, but she could no longer eat, nor stand, and she had crystals in her urine, which was painful. Gracie was 16 months old.

I made sure she was looking out the window at the squirrels and birds and the trees as she painlessly received a sedative. Judy held her for a second sedative, and she purred through both of them. When she was asleep, we carried her into the operating room, and held her while she got her last injection. If she was willing to live with us and be dependent on us, I will not desert them in their time for need, for any reason. They are dependent on us, it's part of the bargain.

I will openly admit that I have been crying for a while now, and that I'll be crying for a while more, because we will be in mourning. I'll be back after that. I am sorry I haven't been around, that will change too. You all have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year.