Wednesday, April 29, 2009

No Time Like The Present

This is Judy's last full week off, so she charged me with finding things that were fun to do on days she didn't attend physical therapy. That would be a day like today. You might think a movie, or a nice ride and a picnic. Judy decided that she and her older sister would go to the cemetery today instead. Some days, it's tough being a trophy husband. On the other hand, it gave me a few hours to be alone and enjoy myself.

Being alone is not being lonely. I got to trade the markets a little, listen to my music with my earphones, and re-listen when I felt like it. I even got some time on the Internet, which has been going down every evening, and dropping a lot during the day. What I mostly did was to think about friends who are having some problems.

A confluence of things have occurred. Mel has been writing a lot about people holding themself back, keeping themself from happiness. This has spurred memories of things I learned in school. People live on two levels, the intellectual and emotional levels. Connected to this was a discovery that people could know something, but suddenly have an epiphany when they actually understood what they had known or had learned. This has happened to me a few times. Once, when I realized that a professor had actually designed his seminar course to be an job enrichment program for the students and just had never told us, the realization left me speechless at lunch with a colleague for several hours. I just kept shaking my head, laughing and saying, "I don't believe I missed it and it was right in front of me."

We all live in an environment that is so full of stimuli that no one can perceive everything that's there. So we all selectively perceive what's there, through our own individual filters. We can take the stimuli there and derive happiness and joy from them, make lists of things that make us happy; or we can take different stimuli from the same environment and decide we are useless, worthless people, and find all kinds of justification from the past to support the contention. Another way to look at this is some people are choosing to be happy, and some aren't. Are we influenced in that decision by our emotional unconscious? You bet. Can we do something about that? You bet.

Look yourself in the mirror and start finding reasons why you like yourself, and tell yourself out loud those reasons. Daily. Be redundant. It's called positive affirmations. I like myself because I do kind things. I like myself because I saved a bee from Jake today (true). I like myself because I tell my wife I love her every day, and mean it. People like hearing this too it seems.

There's lots more. Here's what doesn't work. Hiding. Problems don't go away. Pretending there's nothing wrong. Same as hiding. If you need help, go get some. Really. But you need to work But it is so worth it. Imagine being happier. Here's what Mel wrote today:

"No matter what results you get, the only real failure is when you stop making the effort.

When you are mistaken, you can learn.
When you are knocked down, you can get back up.
When you find that you've veered off track, you can correct your direction.
When you discover that circumstances have changed, you can make adjustments.
What a shame it would be to stop just one effort short."

Now, I'm not Mel, I'm not going to start wearing heels and pantyhose, and I don't have a British accent, which I am sure are messy character flaws. I'm not a therapist, and I am not much different than the next person. But I laugh a lot. If you are one of my friends who are suffering from a lack of confidence, or know you are awesome at an intellectual level but not an emotional level, or think that you lead a boring life because you're so boring, or you can't be loved because the people who loved you left you; I'm here to say that I love you, and you don't have to change for me, nor lose weight for me, you're perfectly valid for me the way you are. Please validate yourself, because other people are wrong. There's no time like the present to start because life's a banquet and we don't want to starve. Come join me at the banquet table, please.


Spellbound said...

Did I ever mention how much I like you, just the way you are?

Brook said...

Nice! Timely too. Thanks(and to Mel too)
Muah(that's a kiss btw)

Mel said...

I like you because you saved that bee from Jake (and the bee thanks you!).
I like you because you DO do kindly things.
I like you because you tell Judy you love her every day and MEAN it.
I like you because you take those few minutes to say what's true for you and you share it with all of us. (And WOW did you say it well!)

I like you because I can--and there ain't nothin' you can do about it..... so pfffffffttttt!

'Awakenings' are very cool things--when that head knowledge drops into the heart, wonderful things happen inside and out. :-)

Never, ever, EVER quit five minutes before the miracle....

So--yes, please. I'd be honoured to sit at the table with you.

Oh--And just for the record, I bet you'd look REAL cute in heels and panty hose.

JUST sayin'.... ;-)

katherine. said...

I too would be honored to join you.
(or with the accent...honoured...)

life is clearer and just works better when the brain and the heart are aligned.

I have a few problems I've put on the back burner I need to deal with before they boil over. No more ignoring them.

I like that I have found your weblog...and thank Miz Mel for the connection.

and here I was thinkin' ALL trophy husbands had to wear hose and heels>

Eris said...

Mmm as a person who's intellectual and emotional sides not only don't often meet but are more often at odds I must say this: Lovely post :)

The CEO said...

Hi Spellbound, the feeling is mutual.

Hi Brook, thank you. Mel is definitely da bomb.

Hi Mel, I appreciate the suffering I endure from you liking me. It's a mutual thing, believe me.

Hi Katherine, the only requirement I know to be a trophy husband is to be a better cook than my wife, I can wash clothes, dishes, although she prefers shopping, because I buy more 'stuff' than she does. Where 'stuff' is not what diabetics should eat, or the occassional lobster, that kind of thing. A trophy husband in sweats can make a 6 pound lobster for dinner. No chance in heels and panty hose. But I am open minded, Katherine.

Hi Eris, it's good seeing you. I'm glad you stopped by. Pull up a chair, I have a plate right here for you.

Mel said...

<-- has no accent, but did have a father with English ancestry and an Oxford Dictionary

<-- got in loads of difficulties with the spelling teacher for some odd reason.....LOL

Have a glorious Thursday, Monty.

<-- pauses and reminds self it's not 'sir''s Monty EVERYtime!


The CEO said...

Hi Mel, Friday is the day, I'm sending positive mental attitude at Iowa! All day. Sir died in '82, and he never had a dictionary. And I promise, you'll never have to eat cod nor oysters here, I'll eat 'em for you (besides, I'd be the one cooking, so no worries). And I have plenty of strong, brewed coffee. Have a fabulous day!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I don't need to lose weight for you, but I think I'll start selecting more fruit and veggies into my diet. And maybe unselect some sugar.

Unhinged said...

Thanks for writing this, Monty. It does hit home, although I'm not quite there yet. But I'm working on it, pinky swear.

I like you because you ARE so very nice and caring. And giving. I'm glad I met you!

Monty said...

Hi Audrey Alice, there's plenty of healthy food at the banquet table, I'm diabetic and I eat pretty well. I did see some delicious looking Blondies on your blog that had me drooling, and I do love your photography, particularly the photos of the plane being moved through that town, the one that went down in the Hudson River. You have a lot of talent. I guess I should stop lurking there. My bad.

Hi Andi, none of us ever quite get there, we're all always on the journey. In the meantime, pull up the chair and I'll make a plate for you and we'll have a few laughs together. Let me introduce you around! You fit right in.

Claudia said...

Gosh, I'm glad Judy's infirmment - and your housewifery - are all coming to an end. What's next for you both?

The CEO said...

Hi Claudia, yesterday was the end of the business as a stockbroker/wealth manager with my ex partner. Now I'm just trading the markets some, seeing what is going on, getting Judy ready, and seeing what I can find for myself. I'm pretty open and very happy. It's always good seeing you!

Anonymous said...

Monty! You've been lurking! LOL. Thank you very much for delurking. :)

So, I'll use your comment for a little bolstering afirmation, but don't worry about the research thing. I've got resources there that make it easy for me.

The CEO said...

Hi Alice, on your blog, I have to think because it's not enough to leave a non-thinking comment. You have an amazing blog, and you write so well. Go get 'em, Alice.

Mel said...

*drumming fingers*

Nope......still no baby!

But you--can enjoy just 'seeing what I can find'. Sometimes that's the bestest route to go. I'll be surprised if something doesn't find YOU.


The CEO said...

Hi Mel, I was 3 weeks late myself. Regression with a purpose. I was sooooo comfortable, and happy. Since then, I'm just a lightning rod when it comes to finding me.

Anonymous said...

When did I ever say anyone over on mine had to think? Not that I mind if people do, just I don't really ask it. I like blogs like yours and Andi's where we get to actually have a conversation, and it's worth checking back in the comments.

The CEO said...

Hi Alice, all the real interaction on this blog happens in the comments and e mail. In fact, if you write me (e mail at the top of the frame) I have someone I want you to meet, please.

skinnylittlesister said...

LoL, your last tidbit here reminds me of what my brother would say at supper time as kids, when there were often more mouths than forks and more bellies than servings....
'There's the quick and the hungry...which one you gonna be?'
I maybe the skinny little sister, but I am not hungry ;)
Serve up!

Pamela said...


The CEO said...

Hi Skinny, you're always welcome anyway. I love happy people too.

Hi Pamela, thank you.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Thank you, Monty. This was so nice to read. And it's good to be reminded of what is really important as it's impossible to help others when we are hung up on our own imperfections.

Amy said...

Loved this Monty. You are so right..we do need to validate ourselves. Today is the day to say "I am good enough and I am worthy of love"