Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Jake Meets The Blogosphere

I am Jakenstein and I rule the known Universe. Just ask me. I am doing this because Monty says there are a few friends of his who want to see me, like a lady name Brook and Eris and maybe Elaine and Mel. Monty says that they all are redheads, and so am I, which makes them all good people in my book, and that's the book that counts. I'm also hoping for the Puss, because I have my own pole I dance on too!

I live with Monty and Judy. Monty ays I am having a problem with an Oedipal Complex and that I'll outgrow it. I say that one day he'll just finally give up and accept the inevitable. Monty has the scars to prove my point. Besides, Judy thinks I'm gorgeous. When Monty and I are battling, he calls me Numb Nuts. I have no idea why. Judy says I was fixed before I was six weeks old. One day someone will explain that to me, in the meantime, I have a little more strategy to go before I take over the house completely.

I was such a blue eyed sweet heart when I first arrived. Little did anyone know what was coming.

I am really a Marine. Three pounds of coiled fury waiting to be called up.

I ceaselessly practice one of my favorite tactics with Monty called 'attack the hand'. t also helps keep my teeth sharp. I am just as good on Monty's feet.

And like any good Marine, I can salute properly even when I'm sleeping. But when I am not being Tom Terriffic, I am best at playing Dr. Destructo, as you will see.

This is Monty's computer I am lying under. He thought it was cute and took a picture. While he was putting the camera away, I stood up, and dumped the compter on the floor. And knocked all the papers all over the floor along with the Diet Coke all over the papers. And when I jumped on the keyboard, I managed to change the fonts and the sizes. Monty didn't hear the computer fall since it hit the rug. Was he surprised. It took him a week to make the computer work right again. Good thing he has more than one.

I love chewing on that tree. I used to climb in it. Judy got scared when it would bend that it would break and skewer me. Both trees are now gone. Sometimes these humans are no fun at all.

I was waiting for Monty to get home hoping I could sneak out he door and get outside. I actually did it twice. He retaliated by taking me to the vet and having an electronic chip put in my neck. There are times Monty just does NOT fool around.

This is where I pole dance. I am actually about five plus feet off the ground. Monty built this little platform and put up this light for me so I could sort of sunbathe. Sometimes he can be so considerate. I can also sprint to the top and touch the eight foot ceiling. Damn I'm fast. And Monty says my nails are like ice axes. He ought to know.

This is Liz, Monty's sister-in-law. She retired from being a high muckity-muck at the Department of Energy. The guy in the background is Judy's brother, you can guess the rest. He retired from the Army and the State Department. Liz has long, dangling blond hair. Anything that dangles is a toy to me. Liz was more than willing so I preened her a little. She loves me. I bit him a couple of times. They have a parrot, they understood.

These are Monty's slippers. I have to admit, there not much that smells better than the smell of the inside of his slippers. I wish I could bottle that smell, I'd make a fortune. Channel has no idea what they are missing.

Monty took two portraits of me, the one above, #1, and the one below, #2 and I want to know which one you like best. Please let me know. By the way, I'm 7 1/2 pounds now and growing, though I'll never grow to the size of my feet. Something about being 'fixed' so young.

Well, it may be a while before you hear from Monty again. He is taking Judy into surgery on Thursday morning and he's a little nervous. As he explains it, he wouldn't be as worried if he was going into surgery, but its Judy, and that worries him. That and he is probably going to fold his business, and he hasn't figured out hat he's going to do next. He claims that the day of the cat cowboy has gone and that they aren't hiring bank tellers at the moment. I think I'll go see what Mel has written today. See you all soonest.



Mel said...


You ARE a piece of work, indeed! Fixed, chipped, clawing and gnawing--seems that you do just fine ruling the roost right where you are.

You take good care of Monty and Judy. Don't be letting Monty fret too much--remind him that G-d's large and in charge and that He's done a standup job of taking care of him and Judy forEVER. Try a simple 'no worries', a climb up his pantsleg and a reminder that folks are praying for him and his......that oughta do it, eh?

*pets the kitty*

You are a cutie!
And definitely #1.
(literally and figuratively)

Odat said...

Jake, you write very well!!! You must be one smart cat...and very handsome to boot!!

Monty, I'll keep Judy in my prayers...you take care.

Alison said...

Jake, I think I love you.

Monty, you and Judy will be in my thoughts.

Allan said...

Thinking of you guys.

PhoenixHearse said...

I absolutely love the very first picture! Oh, and if you love chewing on those trees, maybe Monty should get you some cat grass, I hear cats love that.

Brook said...

Jake-what a tiger! I love an orange cat and his face! Ohhh. Of course he loves his momma, that is what boys are best at! Don't be jealous(only his girlfriends are allowed!) Jakie looks like a real handful and a real joy too. What an understanding family you are to let him rule your roost. Judy's shoulder right? I'll be thinking of you both Thursday and I am sure Jake will be the best lapwarmer and cheerer-upper he can. Hmmm, I love love love the header photo and portrait #1 as well. Maybe Jake is more Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde than frankenkitty. Oh, and no matter what-at least its not a jellyfish!

Jakenstein said...

Hi Ms. Mel, I wanna come to Iowa and see if Monty will let me go outside. I have seen you pictures, and WOW they are pretty. And that steak dinner, with the sauteed mushrooms.....a cat's gotta eat you know (got any venison or duck?)

Hi Ms. ODAT, why not come visit with your little snotdog? We could play, and afterwards, if you sat still on the couch, I'd preen you too!

Hi Ms. Alison, I know I love you. Monty says you're a fabulous cook, and that you love cats like me. That's good enough for me. Would you like to move in?

Hi Mr. Allan, I sure like your pictures, particlarly the pictures of cats. I'd love to meet Mr. Jones and his sisters one day. I hope Ms. Alison feeds them well!

Hi Ms. Heather, I hope you come visit one day with Laney. I want to play with him. Monty says he's a Great Dane. You and Laney look like you have a lot of fun together. I want to have fun too. Monty tried that stupid cat grass. I like bamboo and big ferns so I can climb them. Chewing on them is just more fun than you can imagine. Knocking them over is almost as much fun. For eating, I like Monty's chopped liver best. He calls it pate.

Hi Ms. Brook, Monty showed me your pictures of your bare midrift where you lost so much weight. So I started licking the monitor. Then he told me that your husband was an 8th degree black belt Shaolin Priest who could make me kitty litter in 8 seconds. So I'll just say that you look REALLY good and leave it at that. Are you going to come visit soon?

WanderingGirl said...

Oooooooooooooh, I like the first of the portraits... you're stairing soulfully right into my eyes!

Good luck with Judy's surgery. I'll be thinking about all of you!

Jake said...

Hi Ms. Tiffany, I want to come and jump with Otis and play with the Great Oz. Monty raves about you and this dog named Pooh King. I think he loves you, but I suspect you know that already. Are you comng to visit soon? He says you know Holmes. Is that true? You can make them both cry by mentioning her name. What's the big deal? *I* am here NOW!

Wicked H said...

Hi Jake, it's Aunt Wicked.

Please tell Monty that all will be well and give both he and Judy a big ole hug from me.

Sending positive thoughts.


NoRegrets said...

I truly hope all goes well and we shall indeed get together one of these weekends! I actually like the photo that started the post... rather than the glamour shots. I wonder how Jake and Billy would get along...

Spellbound said...

Dog have owners, cats have staff. Our cats have tried every know trick in the universe from turing over bookcases to getting their heads stuck in cups. We have one cat who ate an entire Chinese dinner of Tofu and Broccoli while my daughter went to get a glass of water. I love them, or at least I must. Sigh.

Jake said...

Hi Aunt Wicked, wow, have you got a good name around here. Monty says you are going to visit and that I have to behave because you love dogs, and miss yours so much. He has this pretty blue bottle that he says he is going to drink with you, and he'll let me smell it, but that I won't like it. How does he know?

Hi Ms. NoR, I have heard about you and Billy! I hear that you are fabulous at the under the chin rub. Have chin, please rub! I'd love to play with Billy, I think.

Hi Ms. Elaine, Monty says you live with five cats. I could hardly believe my ears. He said you do it with superpowers you have over cats. Seeing that you're a redhead, I can see that it's possible. Are you coming to visit too?

Eris said...


You look like the cat my parents had when I was young. My dad found him, just a kitten, in the middle of the road shivering one night when my mom was pregnant with me. He was colored exactly like you but grew to be quite fat and surly. Except that as a toddler he let me ride him around like a horse. And I used to sit under the kitchen table with him, me still in diapers, and he would share his cat food with me. I quite loved Rhondo (his name) but I don't remember how he left us, as around that time my sister showed up. She was not nearly as cute as you are, all purple and squashed and crying all the time.

I am sorry to hear about Monty's business. The economy has affected more people than not, especially of those I know, and those affected are the smartest, brightest and hardest working. No good deed (or person) goes unpunished, eh?

But you have a good family and they love you. Which is a blessing. In the picture with the blue blanket you look exactly like Rhondo and I did when I was barely 3 months old. Same blanket and everything.

You're lucky.


Open Grove Claudia said...

I think Jake needs his own blog.