An Interim Post

I was graciously nominated as a Schmoozer by the Lovely Odat and I started the post last weekend and have yet to finish it. When I tell you that I am overwhelmed, it's really too many business problems all hitting at the same time. I'm pleased to say that I even crossed paths with Judy and her boss for dinner tonight. You see what happens when you schedule things, actually put it on a calendar and threaten someone if they miss an appointment. I'm not mentioning any names here.

What thrilled me today, and justifies writing an quick post at 4:30 am is that in Bush's Press Conference today, he mentioned at the very beginning that he and the new Prime Minister of England agreed on keeping Darfur on the forefront of the World's view and not letting the tragedy slip onto the back burner. People writing to their Congressional representatives is beginning to have an effect. It can't hurt to write again seeing as how there's an election coming up next year. What could be a better time to remind your representative of how you feel about Darfur and ask about their position. Don Cheadle has a new book out about Darfur. And if you ever wondered, try reading "The Diary of Anne Frank" and try to imagine waiting for the World to show up.

I need to sleep a little. Tomorrow!

293 - Tag - I'm It

Amytree has seen fit to tag me with this lovely little time-filler: all you need to do is raid Wikipedia for interesting (or not so interesting) things that happened on your birth date. Then add this list, take the top person off and add your blog on the bottom. List 3 events, 2 births and 1 holiday that happen (or happened) on that date. Then tag 5 other people!

Comedy Plus
Us Danes
Medication Time
The Expatriotic Expatriot
The Morning Meeting

Three Events: (I threw in 2 extras because of their monumental nature)

1066 - William the Conqueror invades England: the Norman Conquest begins.

1871 - Brazil passes law freeing future children of slavery.

1. 1779 - American Revolution: Samuel Huntington is elected President of the Continental Congress, succeeding John Jay.

2. 1781 - American forces backed by a French fleet begin the siege of Yorktown, Virginia, during the American Revolutionary War.

3. 1787 - The newly completed United States Constitution is voted on by the U.S. Congress to be sent to the state legislatures for approval.


Two Births:

1. 551 BC - Confucius, Chinese philosopher (d. 479 BC)

2. 1954 - Steve Largent, American football player and U.S. Congressman
(For the year I was actually born, there was no entry)

One Holiday:

Taiwan - Teacher's Day (Confucius' birthday).

And my tags go to:

Alison
Claudia
CMHL
Glamourpuss
Shibari

I Got Tagged

Start Copy-It’s very simple.
When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like.
(Check out especially the * starred ones.)
Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.)
and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers.
Try to make your tip general.
After that, tag 10 other people
. Link love some friends!Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!
1. Look, read, and learn. ***-http://www.neonscent.com/
2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. ***-http://www.bushmackel.com/
3. Don’t let money change ya! ***-http://www.therandomforest.info/
4. Always reply to your comments.*-http://chattiekat.com/
5. Develop your own "voice" don't "borrow" someone else's*-Mizmouthy
6. If you don't have something to say, don't worry your loyal readers will wait-Oldfashionmomma-
7. Be yourself, don't be afraid to share who you really are ***-http://shibari-confessions.blogspot.com
8. Figure out what you stand for, then try to master it. -http://mornmeet.blogspot.com/

End Copy-

I am tagging:
1. MJ
2. M@
3. Amytree
4. My Reflecting Pool
5. Wicked H
6. Odat
7. Wandering Girl
8. Echomouse
9. Heartinsanfrancisco
10. Lee

Something I Learned

When my Grandfather died, I was 19 years old. My Grandfather had fled the Great Pogrom in Russia in 1905, walked to Bremmerhaven, Germany and got on a boat to America. I'm skipping a huge number of details to get to a point. He lived a very difficult life, yet I never heard him complain once.

At his funeral, people stood up and praised him in English, Hebrew, Russian, and Yiddish. At his death, he had become a scholar, having retired from the City of New York as an accountant, he learned seven languages fluently besides his native Russian and English. What bothered me was that no one that was praising him had ever said anything as nice to him when he was alive. As some of you know, that was when I decided that I would start telling people to their face the nice things I felt, while they were alive.

It's why I send you all a note every now and then when I can.

Pool has a post about a hideous crime that happened in her small town. In the details of Pool's story is a prominent doctor who went to sleep with a wife and two daughters, and suffered a home invasion in the middle of the night, his wife was taken hostage to the bank at 9 am, and then strangled. Both daughters died when the house was burned. The doctor was tied and beaten, and left in the basement, barely escaping with his life.

The doctor could not have known the night before that he would never see his wife and daughters alive again. I know how I feel about the last time I saw my nephew. I hug my wife daily, and tell her I love her. I am no longer a light and nimble 40 year old even though I am in great shape. I just no longer believe that I'll be here forever, anymore.

I have heard more talk of the blogosphere being a 'virtual community' as if it isn't real, doesn't exist. My response is that the blogosphere may be virtual, but it is made up of real people, and they have real emotions, and they can always meet in real life and not be virtual anymore. The need not all meet, we can meet in ones and two also.

I tried to relate to what was now happening in society that was new was a loss of respect for each other. Blogging can be an antidote if we choose to be smart and we decide to care. Anyone have any thoughts?

Not Gone

So many things have been happening to us in real life that I haven't had the chance to post anything lately. Rather than just throw something together, I'd rather just tell you that we're being overwhelmed currently. If you really want to read something terrific, read this. Back as soon as possible. Have a great time!

Moral Outrage

I do not want to die. I am stating this right now for the record. I can pretty much make an assumption that the vast majority of you don't want to die either. It's an instinct that we're all born with. Animals too. We all struggle to live. In the case of Bernie Cohen, my friend's father who we buried last week, an interesting observation of a very Zen nature can be made as people discussed Bernie at his graveside. Several people, his daughter at whose home her lived and her husband both commenting on his commitment to live until his pain from cancer became so bad that he decided to give up. And then he died. It was Bernie's choice, and we could focus on how much we would miss Bernie in the future until our turn to be buried came.

In contrast is the following story from Forbes. Two 15 year old girls in Cotati, California came upon an eight (8) week old ferrel (wild) kitten that was in a holding cage outside an apartment in Santa Rosa, California when the two girls decided to pour a flammable liquid on the kitten and set it on fire. An 11 year old boy heard the cat shrieking while the girls were laughing. The cat, who is now three (3) months old, will need several more operations, requires round the clock observation, and is susceptible to infection because he has no skin on its back right now. The bill to keep the kitten alive could run between $20,000 and $30,000. The story gets worse as the other kittens in the other cages have disappeared.

The girls are being charged with cruelty to animals in Juvenile Court. Meanwhile, some Sonoma County residents are upset because this case is getting more publicity than the death of an 18 year old boy in the same neighborhood.

Personally, I hope they are sentenced to work in a Veteran's Hospital Burn Unit every evening and every weekend and weekend evening and holiday changing dressings under the supervision of a person named Bubba, not that I have an opinion, naturally.

In an unrelated story, Michael Vick, quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons football team of the National Football League, was indicted on July 17th of competitive dog fighting, of procuring, training, and fighting pit bulls. I Googled "Michael Vick indictment" and got 1700 stories. If you go to the U.S. Humane Society site you can find a fact sheet on dog fighting and how utter loathsome it actually is, which is worse than you thought if you didn't know, there is a copy of the actual Federal indictment (dogs were moved back and forth across state lines to fight and die), and a plea to send e mails to the NFL asking for Vick's suspension. I can't agree with the last issue, asking for his suspension.

Please, please, please remember what happened in the Duke Lacrosse case. Let Justice take its course. The Feds have a ton of evidence, let them present it before a Judge, and let a jury do its work. Please read the indictment. It is horrifying, particularly the last two pages. Dogs fought to the death, or near death. If they didn't die, they were killed in horrible ways. The dogs were starved to ensure they would bite into each other. Micheal Vick has never made it to the Super bowl, but he doesn't look like her has ever missed a meal.

Ultimately, I feel like the Society is losing its respect for each other. Corporations follow policies that aren't always fair or honest, the concept of value is not current, the political process teaches us to not merely beat an opponent, but to slaughter the opponent. A plumber recently came out to change the internals in a toilet. I can buy them for about $5 at Home Depot. He charged me $160 which I ended up having to pay for 15 minutes work. He charged for each piece separately, and his minimum charge was $120 which was never mentioned. So, for a 15 minute job that I can no longer do while my hand is being injected for arthritis, I was charged $160. I paid when I asked the owner if he felt it was fair to charge $160 to change the internal on a toilet and she said, "I have to pay my people somehow." I'll never use her firm again, ever. I get the same crap from the health insurance company, and the pharmacy, which found a way to charge me $40 for a prescription that used to cost me $4. Everything is win no matter what the cost. Lying is expected (the pharmacist, which is how the prescription jumped so much in price, in theory the generic was never made in my dosage even though I had a bottle of it with 4 pills left. She implied I had counterfeited the label because Walmart didn't carry the dosage, even though it's in their on-line catalog, she just kept going that I was making these things up. And she's the Pharmacy Manager.)

I have presented two extreme examples of people acting so outrageously as to have corrupted values that are pretty seriously deranged. Setting a living thing on fire is so reprehensible to me that I can't conceive of what made them think that they had a right to do it. And if that's the case, how can I explain a role model like Michael Vick at all. He is supposedly the second highest paid player in the NFL. It can't have been the money. One of the articles I read said that when Katrina hit, the Humane society servers held. That when the Chinese (it was really in the article) were found to be using the fur of murdered cats and dogs for collars, the Humane Society servers stayed up. But when the story of Michael Vick and his indictment broke and the details of the gristly nature of the cruelty became known, their servers were brought down for a while in the Donations and the Take Action sections.

My Reflecting Pool posed a question about whether or not Society was changing as usual, and that she didn't understand her children's generation like her mother didn't understand her generation, etc. Glamourpuss replied that in her generation, a 14 year old wouldn't have passed out in a room after drinking an entire bottle of vodka, then had to answer if she had consented to the two different sets of semen found inside her, while none of her friends had done anything except leave her in there. Remarkably, I see the same degradation of personal values. Anyone have any thoughts?

Women and Heart Attacks

Whether you are one of my female friends, or a male friend with wife/girlfriend/ relative -- Please read! It could save the life of someone close to you.

This was sent to me, I thought you might find it interesting.

I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is the best description I've ever read. So I break from our normal programming to share something truly important with you.

Monty
======================================================================


Women and Heart Attacks (Myocardial infarction)

Did you know that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have when experiencing heart attack...you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest and dropping to the floor that we see in the movies. Here is the story of one woman's experience with a heart attack.

"I had a completely unexpected heart attack at about 10:30 pm with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might've brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking,"A- A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up."

A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation--- the only trouble was that I hadn't taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m.

"After that had seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process
continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws.

"AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening -- we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven't we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, "Dear God, I think I'm having a heart attack!"

I lowered the foot rest, dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself "If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else.......but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in moment."

"I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics.. . I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the
Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in.

"I then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the Cardiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like "Have you taken any medications? ") but I couldn't make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stents to hold open my right coronary artery.

"I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the Paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents.

"Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand."

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body not the usual men's symptoms, but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn't know they were having one, and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation, and go to bed, hoping they'll feel better in the morning when they wake up....which doesn't happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a "false alarm" visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be!

2. Note that I said "Call the Paramedics". Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER--you're a hazard to others on the road, and so is your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor--he doesn't know where you live and if it's at night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do put you on principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.

3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it's unbelievably high,and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MI's are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body,
which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.

Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we
could survive...

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10
people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

**Please send this article to all your friends you care about**

Another Sunday That Had Potential

Here it is, a beautiful Sunday in Gaithersburg, the kind of day when you're glad to be alive. And what am I going to do about it, you ask? I am going to leave the comfort of y home, and my cold beer, and I am going to drive half an hour away and sit and listen to n'er do wells try to ruin a perfectly good day. Fortunately, there will be others there too. You can't tell the players without a scorecard.

More later as events develop!

In Memory of Lady Bird Johnson, Bernard Cohen, and Robert Seaton

Claudia (Lady Bird) Taylor Johnson 94 died today. She was best known for her beautification campaign in the District of Columbia. These included redesigning the china in the White House, redesigning the East Garden and renaming it the Jaquiline Kennedy Garden, and various projects such as Roosevelt Island in and around the District. Those of us who regularly travel to and from the District appreciate her efforts.



Bernie was the father of my ex-sister-in-law who remains my close friend to this day. He was in his mid 90s when he died Monday afternoon. Judy and I will be at his funeral tomorrow, and with Carol tomorrow afterwards. Judy has known Carol and her family since she was a teenager.

Robert Seaton was the father of the best student I ever had, Robyn. She became a close friend of ours 30 years ago. She lost her Mother last Thanksgiving to colon cancer, and her father this morning. They lived in Phoenix. I hope to spend time with her this afternoon.

As life goes on, it's time to comfort some real life friends. I write all this because those of you who care seem worried about me and Holmes. Her ashes are sitting about 3 feet from me, and that gives me comfort. One day I'll photograph them for you. I am pretty close to acceptance with Holmes; and the current week, the healthcare fiasco, the insurance company crap, etc. all are pushing for center stage daily. No matter, I'll always remember her with great love and affection. And to those who wrote, thank you for caring! Have a great day!

China Takes The First Step, Admits It Has A Problem

While watching Ben Bernanke speak today about inflation, specifically in the lag variables of inflation in the Phillips Curve, which most Conservatives claim to be dead; an interesting event was reported. China has decided it has a product safety crisis. The following lead paragraph from a news article illustrates the issue:

China executed the former head of its food and drug watchdog on Tuesday for approving untested medicine in exchange for cash, the strongest signal yet from Beijing that it is serious about tackling its product safety crisis.

I suggest you read the article and think in terms of a totalitarian government and 19th Century American Laissez Faire Capitalism where railroad tycoons could say "law, I am the law" and mean it. Now, if they would just get the bastard with the tainted cat food.

A Lazy July Monday Morning Agenda

This little fellow is the North American Male Blue Bird. This beauty has come to trust me over time. We're friends, just like the entire Cardinal family. His profile is at the bottom and you should be able to see more of his tail feathers. My wife, looking at the second photo, thinks that the railing needs painting. Naturally.

Mist1 is either in rehab, on vacation, or incarcerated; and will return in a week, a month or 25 to life. You too can take the quiz and see if you can guess correctly when and if she will return. Perhaps one of the Mists will make a statement. Perhaps not.

There's a brand new blogger named Naughty who is just starting. I don't think she has written 5 posts yet. Her operating philosophy is "Waiting for life to take me in the next direction. Seeking inspiration from the world around me." When I first started, I remember writing a post explaining that people didn't have to agree with me to comment. They still don't, by the way. Why not drop by and say hello to a newbie. I enjoyed her blog. You might too.

In honor of Naughty, who likes to get stimulated on the 'net, then take it out on her husband, I offer you the following true story. This weekend, I had the most fantastic threesome in a sushi joint in a motorcycle gasoline alley with these two women. I was sucking down some yellow tail sashimi when I asked the two women if they knew the difference between pussy and parsley? I'll leave this to the comment section. I'm sure someone will know.

Last, make sure you know that the U.S. Post Office sells "Forever" Stamps now that have no denomination on them. If you are leaving town and you want to take your bills with you, use the forever stamps. They guarantee that you have the correct denomination for your bill, which is first class for a one oz letter. The postage rate changed in May and a lot of people didn't realize it. The Post Office now issues the Forever Stamp to avoid the hastles of changing postage when rate hikes take place. Protect yourself, we're dealing with the guvamint.

Numerology, Here? Never!

The word is that tomorrow is going to be the luckiest day in a long time because the date will be 7/7/7. The Wedding Industry, as reported by TheKnot.com, is reporting that the number of planned wedding is skyrocketing, being that the 'lucky' day falls on a Saturday. Something like 38,000 people will get married tomorrow. I suppose we will expect 19,000 divorce applications on 8/8/8 if you're into gambling, not that there's a cynic in the group.

I'll keep this short, many of you on are the beach, and I don't mean between consulting gigs. The Morning Meeting Rule for drinking on vacation is Mimosas are acceptable at 8 AM if food is also taken with the drink. Hopefully that's also includes, but is not limited to a multi-vitamin.

Have a fabulous weekend, and if you're drinking, remember to get oiled up, and leave the driving to someone who can walk straight and do integral calculus. Otherwise, grab a cab. I need you all back in one piece and good working order, approximately.

Post Number 208; Freedom Abounds

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Glamourpuss for nominating me to be a Rocking Girl Blogger. We are all in this game of life together, and it is the expectations that we generate of each other that kill our relationships. I therefore celebrate all those things we share, rather than look for any of the things that separate us. Thank you Puss, than you so much!



The people I am nominating have had the most significant effect on me, and also haven't been nominated yet.

I have never hidden the effect and influence that CMHL has had on me, not just as the first blogger I started reading, but as perhaps the smartest person I have ever read. She's overworked because she is so competent, a mother of two, and simply wonderful.

I just had a spontaneous lunch with Crankster where we discussed everything from why James K. Polk could be considered the best President of the United States (he made four campaign promises in 1840, kept them, then left office quietly) to why we adore our wives. In between was the absolute brilliance of Lee, as an artist and person, the problems we had as feminists, the debate over Longstreet and Lee in the Civil War as the reason for the South losing at Gettysburg, the use of high fructose sugars in ketchup, the people of Poland, and the optimum route to the Bronx, exit 10 or exit 14 off the NJ Turnpike. I mean, we only had lunch.

Lee of Studio Twenty-three runs four influential blogs. I only comment on one or two of them, but I read all of them. Lee makes me think as much as anyone as she navigates a sea of existential angst with as much grace and skill as possible. She is important in my life. Her photography shows enormous thought and introspection. She is so incredibly imaginative. She has watercolor paintings that are so delicate.....

Cindy was the second blogger that I read after CMHL. Cindy is simply a wonderful person, with a spectacular sense of humor, and a genuine warmth and kindness that makes you glad that you know her. I still carry on a long running conversation with her, and one day, should I ever get near Hartford, Wisconsin I shall meet this budding young photographer/economist! Unfortunately, you need to get e mail access to her blog due to potential problems like those that Pool and others have suffered.

And then, there's the Mist1. The piece d'resistance. The shoemeister. The ultimate Rocking Girl Blogger to me. If you can't nominate five people as a postscript, have 39 call me and I'll arrange a guest post. I'm hoping for a great acce[tance speech, myself.

Note bene: There are others such as Pool and Hearts, for example, that I would have also nominated, except, they have already won the award.

Extra Extra Read All About It

Crankster Lives! And, he's looking pretty good! Great smile too. I have laid hands on him yesterday for lunch. We talked for a couple of hours, which went by in about a minute and a half. He looks good, and is finishing his move to NYC.

He promises to be back on-line ASAP, which could be a while. He'll need a new job, a new computer, and to get his house unloaded from a truck.

Attention Odat and Pool, we're sending him your way. Take good care of him!

When You Need To Feel Good

The mail has been running along the lines of "What did the Chinese ever do to you?" Then last night, friends started doing interventions. "You've been deep, and very heavy lately." "Are you depressed?" "Well, yes," I'd respond to everyone.

I'm not that smart, but I do listen well. I knew what to do in this case. I have two numbers that are at the beginning of my cell phone, ICE 1 and ICE 2, where ICE means 'In Case of Emergency'. The first is my wife, and the second is The Mist1 International Consulting Agency, Inc 800 Emergency Line. Whenever things get a little out of hand, and I can't deal with it myself, I call in one of the pros at Mist. My fav is an Amazonian red head. I know because she sent me her card. She's Mist 39. Over time, and a few 'situations' we have developed a relationship. We work well together. Exceptionally well, as a matter of fact!

I have also worked with Mist 57, a nice woman from Boise, Idaho, and Mist 29 and 30, two guys from Peru. But I have to admit, I work better with women, and I have really settled in with Mist 39. She's my Mist! Not just anyone can say that either. It helps if you can keep some ahi tuna in the fridge with clean chop sticks. And have a black American Express Card.

Back to the story as originally conceived. I had gone over the edge, what with the Chinese and the car bombs in London, I had had it. I was a cooked fritter. I had lost my sense of humor. I put in an emergency call to My Mist at extension 39. I told her everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. My expert consultant recommended a retail shopping experience. She suggested i go buy underwear, as I'd feel oh so much better afterwards. I asked her how I'd know if I had the right pair? she said to walk up to a guy and if he couldn't form a sound, I had the right pair.

There are some problems when you get consulting over the phone. I was told earlier today that I now look like Clemenza from "The Godfather". Must be the weight loss, I used to look like Lucca Brazzi. If I walk up to a normal guy in a store and ask him about my underwear, there's going to be some problems, and they will happen immediately. The guy will either crap his pants or have a heart attack, or both. Unless he's armed or bigger than me, or both. So, for the sake of public health and safety, I call my friend Richard. Not only is Richard gay, he used to be an underwear manufacturer.

We started our quest for underwear at Bob Evans. We ordered blueberry pancakes with bacon and coffee. As Richard explained, underwear shopping can take a whole lot out of you, so we would bulk load some carbs for the endurance part of the test ahead. I couldn't finish my pancakes, I'm not used to eating that much.

Onwards to the discount mall in Hagerstown! We arrived at the Jockey outlet, and I went right to the 30% off rack. I picked out a package of three in all black, and a package of three in red, blue, and grey. I held up a black pair in front of me and asked the blond salesgirl what she thought. she liked the way I looked. so I bought all six. I spent the rest of my time discussing Piaget with her since she was majoring in Early Childhood Education. Then Richard came in and asked why I had bought the black pairs. I told him because the blond liked them. He suggested martinis.

We spent the rest of the afternoon sipping martinis. And I have six new pair of underpants in assorted colors, and a blond that likes me in black. And I had my attitude adjusted.

Ed. Note: Neither Mist1 nor The Mist1 International Consulting Agency has approved or is aware of this post. Use of their names is completely unauthorized. Please don't tell either of them.