Friday, August 24, 2007

And This Just In From The Government

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
the Earth with Broccoli, Cauliflower and Spinach, green and yellow
and red Vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live Long and
Healthy Lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at
it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful Yogurt that Woman might keep the Figure
that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the
cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and
garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts
following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables, and olive oil
in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his
cholesterol went through the roof.

So God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
Cake," and said, "It is good."

Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with
a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light
and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the Potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition.


And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's
and its 99-cent double Cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries
with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan
said, "It is good."

And Man Went Into Cardiac Arrest.

God Sighed and Created
Quadruple Bypass Surgery.

Then Satan Created HMOs.

9 comments:

Glamourpuss said...

Wow. That's a story.

I need to hit the gym now.

Puss

Wicked H said...

Hmmm...sounds very familiar. But still just as funny.

Odat said...

ahahahahahahaha.....good one!
Peace

MJ said...

Who created the tape worm ?

notfearingchange said...

OHMIGOD....THAT IS THE BEST-EST THING I'VE EVER READ...
i'm sending it to my god loving ice cream eating friend...
Thank you!

My Reflecting Pool said...

hahahaha. Good one! Only satan could create hmo's or civil servants.

Mouse said...

Amen

M@ said...

Reminds me of the Gnostic Gospels.

Echomouse said...

LOL Very good.