Thursday, November 16, 2006

A Little Talk With Freud

Dear Siggy,

It's always good to talk to you again. It's been too long since our last talk. Things have just piled up a bit and some things have started bothering me, so I thought I'd book an appointment, so to speak, and see if I could work a few things out. I know how analytic you are, so if you don't mind, I think I'll begin.

First of all, the news. This dorky guy Federline is offering to sell sex tapes that he made of him and his wife for $30 million. Her name is Britney Spears. They're supposed to be like four hours long. I cannot begin to tell you how not interested I am in those tapes, much less than for $30 million. I'm not interested in sex tapes of me at any price, why would I want them of him? Is there something wrong with me?

Next, the lady that lives behind me, the one with the 'killer' dog that she sic'd on me that tried to scare me last Spring. I have to tell you that I have no idea how the small herd of deer suddenly showed up in her back yard this morning. Ate all her brand new shrubs and bushes. They were really chowing down all morning from the early hours doc, you should have seen 'em. She tried to get that pit bull to chase them out of the yard, but he was no match for those deer. They peed and dumped all over her yard, and then jumped her fence and went right to the next yard and ate their shrubs too. Peed all over their yard too, then left. You should have heard the second neighbor screaming at the first neighbor. I have no idea what they were saying, but I'm pretty sure that the deer will be back. I wish they would eat some of the ivy in my back yard. Maybe some deer pee back there would work too. I doubt of the deer will want ivy when they can have delicious shrubbery.

One more thing Siggy. I have developed this thing over the name Lola. The name is sensuality itself. Sends electric waves up and down my spine. go ahead, say it with me one. "Lola". Is that not about as sexy as it gets. Lola. Makes me thing of garter belts and stockings with that seam up the back, and a pole. Maybe I should reconsider the sex tapes. What do you think doc? Is there any hope for me?

16 comments:

Glamourpuss said...

I've been looking for a new stripper name. I like 'Lola' - shame it reminds me of Barry Manilow - and I'm far to old to get away with 'Lolita'.

So, telling your analyst about the deer incident - schaden -Freud-e...?

Puss

Odat said...

LOL

MJ said...

Just wait for the sex tapes.. They will be available for all to see on-line in no time. (flash back to Pam and Tommy) I am glad that the Deer peed all over the neighbors yard and ate the shrubs.. what a way to start a day off right !!
Oh Lola .. I agree a very sexy name indeed.

rebecca said...

Meine Schatze sp)unt Leipchen (sp),

Rebecca is the most sensual name ever, next to Lola. And Sadie. Sadie is pretty awesome.

Your friend,

Sig

The CEO said...

Puss- I just give myself therapy, I talk to the real Freud, when I get emotional, I call him Uncle Siggy.

Odat- The rabbits were watching and laughing right along with the rest of us.

MJ- My hero, I should have been smart enough to tape the Deer Incident for you so you could laugh through your recovery

The CEO said...

Rebecca- shhhhh, no one is supposed to know, remember. I had my Sadie period, that was wonderful, such memories.

desiree said...

The threat of Britney sex tapes for some reason drains any ounce of sexual energy and sensualityout of me and makes me think I should take a vow of celibacy and live the life of a nun. I just don't want to see THAT, aurrrgghhh.

Lola? She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there. Have a Vegas fetish?

cinders said...

I always think of Lola as a dog's name. I was hoping to one day have a dog named Lola...

Alison said...

My friend Anne has a dog named Lola, just to corroborate Cinders's comment.

But I think it's more sexy than doggy.

The CEO said...

Des- I can't think of any reason to see either of 'them' having sex. I'd rather watch the deer eat the shrubbery tomorrow morning. that was a treat!

Cinders- I keep hearing this song, Lola, and there's no dog involved

Alison- c'mon, no dog involved, say it with me, let it roll off your tongue, Looooooooooolllllllllla ooo I am just shivering, whoa, absolutely ye ha whatever

WanderingGirl said...

Eric Clapton did a good Lola song.

Too bad the deer didn't pee on the wanna-be-killer dog! That would have made me pee myself a little bit.

The CEO said...

WG- The deer looked at the dog, and the dog raced inside. The dog was smarter than the woman that owns him. Now if the deer could have peed on the stupid woman.....maybe the other deer would have thought she was a shrub too. No way could i get THAT lucky.

WanderingGirl said...

Obviously the deer didn't do that because they knew you would keel over and I would be left leaderless. And the Potomac would probably overflow when you stopped drinking all the water.

Crankster said...

"I'm not dumb, but I can't understand why she walked like a woman but talked like a man..."

And congrats on the delightful spectacle of your neighbor's deer-borne misery.

mist1 said...

I used to see Siggy, but he's out of my network. Damn HMO.

The CEO said...

Crankster- My hero.....LLLLLLLola,...
I am just quivering all over now...
LLLLLLLLLola....I am soooo easy

Mist- at least you have the action figure. Who else has Freud in a garter belt and heels? bark howl