Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Back To Work

I got the hot green tea, the coffee, and today I made French toast for your culinary pleasure. Wheat toast for those staying slim and trim. And, if I can't make it Alison can, because she doesn't need cookbooks anymore, and I still use them. Now, on to today's business.

Everyone has sex, they just don't have sex with everyone. And that's a start. Now, who was a natural, just took to sex like a duck to water? Never an awkward moment? A show of hands will do nicely here. Why didn't we get any training in school, around the 7th grade? Sex ed, film, theory, books, all were nice, but kind of missed the point. We needed a lab! Now, if you still need some help in this area, the Internet is for you! Audacia Ray is a certified sex worker in New York City and will refer you to where all types of technique can be found. She is the second blog I found on the Internet. She knows more about sex than anyone I have ever met, and she is uncommonly bright on top of it, and quite capable of great conversations in e mail, when she has the time. So there's your expert.

But sex is a hands-on sport, and just reading about it or watching it in a movie isn't quite enough to get you started. And kids are starting younger and younger today. That's great for the few that will get a lot of positive experiences and develop increasing self-esteem. What about the rest. We need a good idea here.

A long time ago, I had a friend named Henri, who was a French chef. He was trained in Paris, grew up there in fact. He had five kids, one was a gorgeous woman , we'll call her Peaches, who turned out to be gay. I liked Peaches, and over the years, we became good friends. I didn't care that she was gay, and we could talk about anything. That included how bad she felt that her father was so dissappointed in her. It took a while, and being willing to confront a guy that could pick up a side of beef all by himself about a topic that gave him pain, and tell him gently that he was being a stupid ass. Nicely. Saying things like "I'd give an arm and a leg if she was my daughter, Henri" help.

When Peaches birthday came around, I was invited. It was her 21st birthday, and I was a 28 year old, healthy male, the only male, at the party. I went over to her and gave her a huge hug and kiss along with an envelope with a very nice birthday card and gift certificate to Victoria's Secret. Peaches laughed at me and said,"that won't get my nipples hard, but if you talk to Patches..." and that's where i found out that when you can make friends with gay women, and they don't think you're competiting with them for what they see as a shrinking supply, they can show and tell you a lot about making a woman happy, since they have the same problem. And that is why I have always identified with lesbians, the very best lesbians, naturally. Go back to the beginning, I do have standards, you know. Look at the quality of the folks I let in here, yourself included!


rebecca said...

i was thinking that maybe we should designate a team to research the rest.

but only if they bring donuts or bagels to the meeting. and bring one for the accounts payable lady. she gets mean sometimes.

and, are there any rules about dating coworkers?

The CEO said...

dear rebecca, there are no rules about dating co-workers since you are my secret girlfriend. But please don't tell anyone, because I wrote some more since you went to the bahamas, and you won't read this for days. And since Alison runs the kitchen, there is ALWAYS plenty to eat, and ALWAYS something healthy.

Alison said...

I shuck a mean oyster, and am liberal in my use of ginger.

cinders said...

Those accounts payable ladies CAN get mean.

Funny, I used to have a fantasy about a similar co-ed sex-ed lab when I was in high school. In reality it would never work, you'd always end up with the wrong partner, just like square dancing.

The CEO said...

A guy still gets to learn to communicate better with a woman, and I am all for that. Research shows that they taste the same.

cinders said...

sweet or salty?

The CEO said...

I haven't had to add salt yet, but garlic or parsley as a garnish is always nice!