Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Dress Code

I called this meeting to inform you that indeed, we have a dress code. I ask all of you to at least wear underpants as a minimum. This eliminates the need for me to clean up shit stains from the new swivel chairs with the vibrating tens units built in. Please remember, cleaning is NOT my life. About everything else is OK. Which brings up another issue which was raised yesterday.

In this organization, all people are considered equal, we let you demonstrate otherwise. So, men and women are equal, neither is better than the other. We can all bitch, but ultimately, we all are bitching the same about each other. We don't discriminate on race, age, country of national origin, your ability to cook, or how you dress or cup size (that's goes for both men and women) . Similarly, we do discriminate if you're a dirty asshole regardless of your race, sex, age, country of national origin, etc. Any problems are automatically handled by The Lawyer. I therefore declare that we are truely egalitarian, as opposed to France, who just put it on their flag. So, don't call me Boss, please.

And to wrap up this meeting, please, just use the bathrooms for bathroom stuff. I bought this townhouse with three bedrooms, a finished basement, plenty of room. There aren't enough bathrooms for y'all to be making out in them when you could be using a perfectly good bedroom. So please, leave the toilets open for those of us that actually still use bathrooms for normal human bodily functions performed alone by most grown ups. And for the Green Tea drinkers, we won't run out, I have this deal with Starbucks.....

6 comments:

ONeill said...

wicked man you got me a hell of a laugh

Alison said...

So, this means we're allowed to frolic on the job?

Itchy said...

Looks like I'm gonna have to buy some underpants...Can I have a raise?

The CEO said...

Oneill: the door is always open and there's snacks in the fridge, y'all hurry back.

Ali: I encourage frolicing, and appropriate snacking. That's why I got the big Kitchenaid builtin refridgerator for up here. We're still building here. Do I need to lay in condoms?

Itchy: You can have a raise, a pulled pork sammich, and you don't have to wear shoes around the house. You ARE required to bring the ginormous flashing smile with you. Everything else is optional

cinders said...

So pants aren't required? These are pinching me.

Ah, button undone. Much, much better.

The CEO said...

Pants are optional.