Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Mission Control to CEO

CEO
This is the second day in a row that we have scrubbed your mission before liftoff at 4:45 am due to a major error in loading your primary operating system. Today's error seems to be non-recoverable and we're starting to replace some major subsystems. You must stop abusing your peripherals.

Fighters were scrambled from two different Air force bases and your alarm clock was successfully destroyed before it could cause any more damage before 5:00 am. Who were you trying to kid? You didn't light a test light. No fog on the proverbial mirror. Give a controller a break. And don't try to lay this one off on CMHL's brilliant post yesterday. You were comatose before that post ever occurred.

While we're at it, your recent record of achievement has been terrible, horrible, zapufftekka. Have you paid any attention to the portfolio lately? No. Have you expanded the business? No. Increased revenue? No. Missed meetings? You bet. What have you been doing? Don't say a word. I'm going to tell you what you have been doing. You have been BLOGGING. Blog blog blog. And then you e mail everyone. All day long. I am not going to discuss some of the topics you have covered, we'll pretend I don't understand them. And where did this $600 bill for beer come from? We'd like to see you do something a little more constructive, like maybe going out and killing a mastadon, and putting some meat on the table already. Or drumming up a little advertising.

And finally, at the request of all of the other controllers, we're confiscating your IPOD. Most of the controllers that have to listen to you could handle your incessant humming. But when you started singing "Ode to Joy" in German...you can't carry a tune in a bucket, and I am not going to start retraining that many controllers. No more IPOD for you. No appeal. Now, either shape up, or out you go.

(door slams)

Now that my 'father' is gone, I was thinking about a plan for expanding our sexual horizons for tomorrow. Would anyone have any ideas about that?

11 comments:

rebecca said...

sounds like someone needs some chocolate cake!

Ode To Joy in German *LOL*

you kill me. i think i peed a little in my pants from laughing so hard.

Alison said...

What a great ending to this post. I haven't peed in my pants, but my belly is shaking like the proverbial bowl full of jelly.

cinders said...

Expanding your sexual horizons... hmmm, boots, capes, frilly underthings? A combination of all three?

cinders said...

(I could put that into a spreadsheet for you, if you wish.)

The CEO said...

Spreadsheets are a good start!

WanderingGirl said...

There's a horizon?

mist1 said...

At first I thought I had been found out. Whew.

As for your horizons, it reminds me a bit of highschool. I think our school mission statement was "Expanding students horizons, academically, socially, and sexually."

Of course, my memory could be failing me. Will have to ask Mom to dig up my yearbooks.

The CEO said...

We have the academics with us now. I'm going to have to get illustrations and A.P.A. footnotes. Research begets quality.

mist1 said...

Have used "The CEO"* in a daily post**. Please do not dispute this as it will remain posted regardless.

Regardlessly***,

"1"

*Author of "The Morning Meeting"
**Found at To Do: 1. Must Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Please see links of previously mentioned blog.
***Am not quite sure that this is a real word. Challenges accepted.

The CEO said...

Shazam, I have finally achieved immortality!!! Thank you The Mist 1

mist1 said...

I'll send an invoice for the cost of immortality.